Me.My Life.Him.You

We are the crowd
We're cuh-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastic, oh

Leather and jeans
your watch glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby I-

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your-
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi

I'll be your girl backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah cause you know I'm starting between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes

Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and return
My lashes are dry- But the teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is Cherry Pie
'Cause you know that baby I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Real good, We're dancing in the studio
Stop-stopped, That shit on the radio
Don't stop, for anyone
We'll Blast it but we'll still have fun

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

hahaha... Lady Gaga just know what my feeling is....

so fantastic oh.....

This week on May 30th, two of my sisters are going to have their big day --> WEDDING.
And me???? As usual, there are many things that i have to involve in....
From packing all the souvenirs, 'bunga telur' for the guests to clearing up the house.
This whole week is going to be very hectic and tiring. I can't wait for Jawe, Wadhi and Fana to come to my house this coming Thursday. Balkis isn't confirmed yet whether she could make it or not. And my other friends couldn't attend the wedding because of some other matters...
Hope that the wedding goes well and been blessed. Amen...

By the way.. there is one thing that i dislike to hear the most... When people asking "when is your turn?" Duh!... Me and Wedding??? So not in sync now... I don't know if in 5-6 years ahead i'll start thinking about getting married. But as for now, i don't think i am yet to find a boyfriend to get married. I have lost my heart to be married unless if he is my Zulkarnain... huhuhu~

Wednesday, May 20th 2009...
6.15 p.m....

I started a long journey to Ipoh, Perak.. A place that I ALWAYS WANNA GO TO...
hahaha...
Maybe... Maybe for some people they don't know why i was so interested to go to IPOH... Here are some Q's that people always ask me..

1. What so great about Ipoh?
2. What makes you so crazy about going to Ipoh?
3. Why are so happy to go to the 'persidangan bawah pokok' place???

hehehe..... Wanna know my answer?

I WANNA SEE MY BELOVED ONE'S HOUSE.... (or at least have a glimpse at where the place he grew up....) Ok what...

And that night which was supposed to be so long....(6hrs journey) ended up so short... huhu~... yes.. I have to thank my best friend... He sacrifice his 'tidur' time to give me company.. although we only communicate through the phone(sms-ing) but that was more than enough... It makes me a little braver to stay in the darkness of the night.... I reached Ipoh at 1.00 in the morning...

hahaha.... And yes, Yesterday i had the chance that i'd been waiting for a lifetime... My sister brought me jalan2... She showed me where was Jelapang... hehehe... (got the clue?) and i was damn excited that i almost asked her to bring me to the housing area at Taman Meru... "GILA!!" that was what my sister said... But anyway... i am happy enough though... hiks...

I will remember that experienced this whole life... Maybe another day, i will come to that place again... Who knows... Hhihihiihi... (can't even smile correctly... )

Hidden Leaves was the second novel that i read this holidae... BUt hell yeah... It took me a week to finish reading the book.. But know what???? I can't believe that i a actually cried reading it... haha... Hard to believe but that's very true... Learning about how hard it is to reveal the truth that we really desired to outburst it to everyone... And how difficult it gets when we have to be separated from our loved ones... Arghhh.... Life is just too cruel sometimes... But yes... This is what we call F.A.T.E & D.E.S.T.I.N.Y..... everyone has their own destiny and fate... One may be blessed to have all the desirable things but may not have the happiness that the other one has... Accept it with an open heart and we will all be happy... Simple.. Isn't it? But how many people can really do this? Before we look into anybody else, we better search deep down inside our heart... Are we apart of them too? I got my answer... And as many people know.. I AM NOT!!!

DAMN IT!!!!

that was the first thing that came across my mind few hours before.... I couldn't start my laptop... I couldn't log on into my profile... Whathaheck.... I was almost losing my mind... Thank God i got to speak to Wadhi's brother... at least i can get some sort of solution on my own... i refused to send it to any of the stores.. because i don't wanna seek more trouble.. The smallest error in the system could damage the whole system if i get the store assistant to repair my laptop... And thank ALLAH... all is solved by now... huh... i dare not to do any automatic updates anymore... huhu~... it take four years for me to own a laptop tau... it takes my breath away to think about damaging or causing any errors on it...

My beloved Pink Dell inspiron 1420

Last night....
I could guarantee that no one would feel more anxious, curious, energetic and pious that i am....

It was the night that will make certain Malaysia's place and rank in World Badminton... And YES.... As many people had predicted... We lost... We lost to the so-called 'mighty' China... we were down to 0-3... What a lost.... But I would say that we had nearly broken the egg when my dearest Zulkarnain and his partner Boon Heong almost smashed out the Chinese pair.. But indeed... They were mentally too strong.. They were on their home ground... All the people there supported them well... They should be grateful that they were home.. If they were somewhere else, with the performance that were given by Kien Keat and Boon Heong, i believe that they will be tamed down easily... They were actually played the game of their life..

But i am not gonna comment on the whole night.. Who am i actually.. all i know is that.. they had done a great and non-negotiable commitment they had given upon their responsibilities last night... They are all winners... they may not be the winner on the podium... but they are the winner in all our hearts... I believe it... and i am sure thousands and millions other would feel the same too...

Thursday,
May 14th 2009....

Today was the 5th day of the tournament. And Malaysia went down to the court as the stronger team against Denmark because they had lost the desirable services of Peter Gade Hoeg Christensen and Tine Rasmussen out of their migraine and injuries respectively. Thus, this was the greatest opportunity that Malaysia had been waiting for. To go to their very first Sudirman Cup’s semi-final. This was indeed a good success that had been achieved although the earlier hope suggest that they might have a slightly easier route to final if they had beaten the Korean… But yes, past is past, what we have is the future. Therefore the Malaysian camp should be mentally and physically prepared to go against the so called ‘giant’ China. They could have been the greatest of all time but I strongly believe that if ever our players play their best and the day they are playing is just their day –Malaysia will surely outplay the Chinese.. I will never stop praying hard for my beloved Koo Kien Keat and his partner, as well as all other Malaysian player. Because I realized that, when it is a team match, everybody has to play their part. Everybody needs to take responsibility upon whatever circumstances that will come their way.



I want to see my ‘him’ playing as he played today… he was considered as ‘almost faultless’ by the commentators today. I knew that this is kind of too much but obviously he deserved a huge round of applause for all the killing motion that he did today. He and Boon Heong was so dynamic and just play the way they were playing back to the times when they were World #1… I know that he might not know how hard I prayed for him, or how enthusiastic I become whenever I see him playing and how speechless I am when he was down to the opponent even for just one point…but I will keep on praying, supporting and believing in him. I will be the most loyal fan than never will stop supporting him, till the end of my life. I swear… By the name of ALLAH that he will forever be in my heart… I hope that he’ll know what I feel and I will be able to make him my real him… Amen….

Today is May 14th....

Today I was so angry that I only had less than an hour to go on the net. I hate to say this but this was obviously caused by my father ‘omniscient’ act yesterday. He cut off the telephone connection wire just because of the bulldozer that came to clear up my front yard… What the…. Urghhh…. When he rejoined the wires those line seemed to be okay for awhile… and then, when I was so enjoyed on the line… Popped, it suddenly cut off.. Damn… I didn’t know how long I have to suffer from not being able to go online…I desperately need the internet… Hopefully I can get the line fixed by tomorrow… actually I am not the one that should take the responsibility. It is my father’s… he needs to get it fixed A.S.A.P…..

I was so happy today that my Kien Keat and the Malaysian Team in general won their matches against Hong KOng... But at the same time I was terribly sad that my beloved cat died. He was knocked down by a car. I heard the sound of the car hit something. But i just don't wanna think of the worse. And by the time i was about to cheer that Kien Keat won, i heard my brother said that my cat died. DAMN!!!!! i wish that the driver that hit my cat will die in a terrible car crashed that his or her eyes will come out exactly the way my cat died. SHIT..... I hate to curse people like this but i just can't take it. This was too much. It is almost impossible that they can't see him. He was white, pure white. Although there is no light at all, i was still able to see him lah wei.... B*** betul... (Sorry that i cursed)

Now, i can only see him in the pictures. Theere is no more a cat that is so tame and enjoy to play with. He was so cute and never cause a trouble. He love to kiss people and play with us. He was so easy to call, he listened to what we said. He just too good a cat.. I am too sad because he died just a day after we believed that another cat, Lala died. She went out three days ago. And never comes back. She didn't eat anything that morning before she left. And she was sick too. Therefore, there is no hope that she is still alive. But the saddest part was, her body was yet to be found. I just do not have the idea where she died. Oh my Allah.. Give us the strength...

In loving memory of Putih and Lala....

I am so excited that today my beloved country Badminton team will begin their challenge in the Sudirman Cup team event. They'll go against the hard-to-beat rival the South Korean..



Obviously, it is Kien Keat the one that i am eager to see him playing. I was sure that Rexy Mainaky won't choose him as the Mixed Doubles player because he wanted to see him fit enough for the Men Doubles. BUT..... He turned out as the first player to pair up with Wong Pei Tty as the national first pair to match against the Korean. The game ended up in rubber set. Arghhh.... as expected... They lost.. Ya la.. Up against the Olympic Champion.. What else to expect?? But i just did not stop hoping that things will be better for the next 4 games..

And yess... The second game, as usual Datuk Lee Chong Wei was the roaring tiger that set the hope high for the team. He beat the Korean in straight set to tie up 1 - 1..
And guess what the most unexpected sequence of the matches happened.. The men doubles was the third games to commence. What the.....
Kien Keat and Young Dae were on the court in less than 30 minutes before. And they have to compete again? Of course the stress will be on the Malaysian side. They lost during their last meeting. For sure they were hoping to regain their pride. But... They seemed so uneasy on court. Both Kien Keat and Boon Heong. I don't know why. I pray hard that he'll win somehow. In the second game when hope to see them bringing the game into the rubber and deciding game seemed to be alive, they tumbled down... Arghhhhh................. I wanna cry... Really i did...

But I know, there were still two more games remaining. Mew Choo and Ei Hui&Pei Tty can keep the dream alive. Yes.. I believed they could.. And Mew Choo although she seemed kind of tired and restless to have to be playing in three breath-taking games against the young Korean, but she nailed it. and This time it's 2-2....

And, the last game commenced, Ei Hui& Pei Tty should never have any problems to win actually. But i did know what exactly bothered their minds. They couldn't focus on the game. They were the favourite to win. But they screwed up everything. They wasted so many precious chances to steal the point from the Korean. And what more can i say? They lost to the Korean. And the final result was Malaysia 2 - 3 South Korean.

Not that i wanna blame anybody on the lost. The damage has been done. But we can't continue on grumbling upon the lost that we had. Yes we lost. But, what most important is that we find the most effective solution to cure the wound. We should be able to win the next two matches against Hong Kong and Denmark. But before that could happen, they are many things that have to be taken into consideration in choosing the best strategies to make sure that the hope to be in the Final remained alive and to make the nation proud.


MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!

Out of boredom one can do things that they never had thought of doing before...
So do i... Arghhh....

I am here on-lining like 24/7.. all day long... But at times (or i should say today) i am not in the mood to really do the things that i always do when i am on the web... uwaaaaa..... I guess i miss my chat-mate... He's away.. no one to play with me in the Superpoke Pet also... No one to chat with me in YM and yes.. Wadhi is away too... If not i can go crazee with her in MSN.. like Video calling each other for hundred times a day...

So.................
this is my dose for today or i should say this weekend???


a 2004 novel by Nancu Krulik... Actually this was a gift by my sister for me.. But as everybody knows, i DON'T like to read.. therefore this book was just left in dust inside my book rack... haha.. By the way.. having read the first two chapters of the book, i think I'm gonna love this book..

It's not that i don't really read before.. But just that the number of books that i read is so little if i am to compare myself with other people.. No wonder i am so stupid in my CBI class.. Sigh...

So... enough for now.. I am going to read the book. Hopefully i can write something good about this book tomorrow.. Choww...

This has been like ages for me. I haven't write in this blog about my love ones. Now that i have begin to write again i will continue on writing about people that i love. Only that this first quarter of 2009 has really troubled me so much. It troubled my life, my heart, my academic and all part of me. My family has been forced to face something that nobody had ever wanted to face. This was so hard. So hard that it even made me cried whole day long.. Many nights i prayed that those stupid shameful thing never happened. But i accepted this as one of the challenges that Allah sent us. He knows that we can face this. Therefore he test us this way. I am thankful that now, the hard time had passed away. Hopefully we can really take it away.. Far far away that we never have to turned back at it.



My academic... This semester, i just do not know why i had become someone that is so stupid i would say. Maybe this is too much for me. But i just can't take it. Because i know my level. I feel some sort of injustice happened to me. How could i accept this silly injustice when i see someone that is very close to me, shared the same 'stupid' grade as me, suddenly get a better grade than mine. And me.. I still remained as the stupidest of all. What would world call this if not INJUSTICE? I don't remember being so arrogant nor dislike the lecturer if favoritism is one of the criteria to get a better grade in the paper. And this is the trigger that has been pulled to kill me. YES.. To kill me!! I know that i would be getting very low GPA this semester. But what else can i do? I just have to be very patient in accepting everything that have been written for me.

Oh my dear God... This has been so hard for me. Although i had been comforting myself that there is no need to worry much about it but i just can't... People would think that i am stupid. and I definitely can't accept that. Because i know who i am better than anybody else. I hope that You can do something about this, Allah. I can't do anything anymore. I leave everything onto Your hands.

And Him...
I haven't forgotten him. In fact, he always here in my heart. Only that to some extend i am kind of sulking against him. He seemed to hate me. He haven't replied to my messages and even my friend request in Facebook. Arghhh..... Why does he has to act that way. I hate to say this but i think he has become so arrogant with what he has. Buttttttt................... I am not gonna stop loving him. Loving and supporting him is the only thing that i can do now. Although i am not able to have him, but i can still pray for the best thing to happen to him. I want him to live a wonderful life. Yet, i still hope that i can be with him one day. Even if this remain as only unrequited love, i would still be happy..
But......(another long but coming...)
I should not have developed this kind of feeling to somebody else i think... but I DID... arghhh... I am mad with myself too. I could not believe that i had loved someone else' husband. ALLAH..... what is to become of me.

1st --> someone so hard to get
2nd --> someone else' husband



but i didn't ask for these. I just don't understand why i keep on involved in this kind of relationship. I hurt myself whenever i think about this. I hate to admit that i really cherished the moment that i am able to be close to this second him. Although he is just a bus drivers' supervisor but i don't know why i fall so much onto him. I even ready to be another wife of him if he wants me to. I know that this sound kind of stupid but i really do. I just like him. My friends said this is just a crush and i don't know. I guess this is not. This has been almost two weeks that i last saw him, but i haven't forgotten about him. If this is just a crush, i should be able to forget him by now. But actually i don't want to. I want to keep him in my heart. And i pray hard too.. I want him to know that i love him. YES... I did something crazy too.. I text him last Friday. I hope that he'll reply me but he didn't.. Oh yes... i should have known this too. I knew that he would not entertain anybody that he doesn't know, what more he's married. Arghhh... That's the most painful sentence to say. but indeed, that's for real.

I woke every morning to see something good... and I hope by the time i wake up tomorrow, i will be able to see someone that i really love.. know that this sound silly... but i know that Allah will listen to my prayers...

Today... it has been two weeks since i last been with all my girlfriends and boyfriends... Lemme name them

1. Nuwul
2. Jawe
3. Wadhi
4. Fana
5. Kak Ras
6. Balkis
7. Ewan
8. Chegu din

this is US....


These are the people that i think are the closest to me since i entered this course five years ago... and there are few more....

Jeepa, Pelut, Miwul, Yvonne, Jowie, Jasmit, Amanda... and many more lah... I guess i miss all my classmates... except --> The cockroach.. Yucks...

I think i have contacted almost all the names that i have mentioned above during these two weeks.. and yes.. some of them does reply to me and tell me how the are doing and living... and some of them don't.. huhu~

but it's okay to me.. as long as i know that they are still alive and will be meeting me back in two months time... and yes.. I think i'm gonna meet my girlfriends during my sisters' wedding by the end of this month. But i don't know whether Nuwul can make it or not. This is because she is teaching now... Hopefully she'll come..

I miss you guys....

People have blogs, so do I.
People write blogs to express their feeling.... And me????



At first having a blog was just the course requirements that i had to fulfill for my drama class... And then i 'gatal2' wanna do a blog on my personal life (kunun2)... hiks... but then i left it unattended.. got some entries that i posted last year...
See... LAST YEAR.... almost five months gone without me posting anything here... Suddenly i think this is the moment for me to start writing... There is nothing wrong for me to share what i feel with the whole world. Although i know that this is gonna be so hard for other people to read it. Haha... But i don't mind. All i know is that i am happy that at least i got a medium to express my thoughts and feeling...

And i think from now on.. I wanna write about my life n everything that i think possible to be write here.. So that, although when i am gone or no longer able to write, people can still read my story and the story will be forever...

SUERTE DIAH....