Me.My Life.Him.You

Today is May 14th....

Today I was so angry that I only had less than an hour to go on the net. I hate to say this but this was obviously caused by my father ‘omniscient’ act yesterday. He cut off the telephone connection wire just because of the bulldozer that came to clear up my front yard… What the…. Urghhh…. When he rejoined the wires those line seemed to be okay for awhile… and then, when I was so enjoyed on the line… Popped, it suddenly cut off.. Damn… I didn’t know how long I have to suffer from not being able to go online…I desperately need the internet… Hopefully I can get the line fixed by tomorrow… actually I am not the one that should take the responsibility. It is my father’s… he needs to get it fixed A.S.A.P…..

I was so happy today that my Kien Keat and the Malaysian Team in general won their matches against Hong KOng... But at the same time I was terribly sad that my beloved cat died. He was knocked down by a car. I heard the sound of the car hit something. But i just don't wanna think of the worse. And by the time i was about to cheer that Kien Keat won, i heard my brother said that my cat died. DAMN!!!!! i wish that the driver that hit my cat will die in a terrible car crashed that his or her eyes will come out exactly the way my cat died. SHIT..... I hate to curse people like this but i just can't take it. This was too much. It is almost impossible that they can't see him. He was white, pure white. Although there is no light at all, i was still able to see him lah wei.... B*** betul... (Sorry that i cursed)

Now, i can only see him in the pictures. Theere is no more a cat that is so tame and enjoy to play with. He was so cute and never cause a trouble. He love to kiss people and play with us. He was so easy to call, he listened to what we said. He just too good a cat.. I am too sad because he died just a day after we believed that another cat, Lala died. She went out three days ago. And never comes back. She didn't eat anything that morning before she left. And she was sick too. Therefore, there is no hope that she is still alive. But the saddest part was, her body was yet to be found. I just do not have the idea where she died. Oh my Allah.. Give us the strength...

In loving memory of Putih and Lala....

I am so excited that today my beloved country Badminton team will begin their challenge in the Sudirman Cup team event. They'll go against the hard-to-beat rival the South Korean..



Obviously, it is Kien Keat the one that i am eager to see him playing. I was sure that Rexy Mainaky won't choose him as the Mixed Doubles player because he wanted to see him fit enough for the Men Doubles. BUT..... He turned out as the first player to pair up with Wong Pei Tty as the national first pair to match against the Korean. The game ended up in rubber set. Arghhh.... as expected... They lost.. Ya la.. Up against the Olympic Champion.. What else to expect?? But i just did not stop hoping that things will be better for the next 4 games..

And yess... The second game, as usual Datuk Lee Chong Wei was the roaring tiger that set the hope high for the team. He beat the Korean in straight set to tie up 1 - 1..
And guess what the most unexpected sequence of the matches happened.. The men doubles was the third games to commence. What the.....
Kien Keat and Young Dae were on the court in less than 30 minutes before. And they have to compete again? Of course the stress will be on the Malaysian side. They lost during their last meeting. For sure they were hoping to regain their pride. But... They seemed so uneasy on court. Both Kien Keat and Boon Heong. I don't know why. I pray hard that he'll win somehow. In the second game when hope to see them bringing the game into the rubber and deciding game seemed to be alive, they tumbled down... Arghhhhh................. I wanna cry... Really i did...

But I know, there were still two more games remaining. Mew Choo and Ei Hui&Pei Tty can keep the dream alive. Yes.. I believed they could.. And Mew Choo although she seemed kind of tired and restless to have to be playing in three breath-taking games against the young Korean, but she nailed it. and This time it's 2-2....

And, the last game commenced, Ei Hui& Pei Tty should never have any problems to win actually. But i did know what exactly bothered their minds. They couldn't focus on the game. They were the favourite to win. But they screwed up everything. They wasted so many precious chances to steal the point from the Korean. And what more can i say? They lost to the Korean. And the final result was Malaysia 2 - 3 South Korean.

Not that i wanna blame anybody on the lost. The damage has been done. But we can't continue on grumbling upon the lost that we had. Yes we lost. But, what most important is that we find the most effective solution to cure the wound. We should be able to win the next two matches against Hong Kong and Denmark. But before that could happen, they are many things that have to be taken into consideration in choosing the best strategies to make sure that the hope to be in the Final remained alive and to make the nation proud.


MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!

Out of boredom one can do things that they never had thought of doing before...
So do i... Arghhh....

I am here on-lining like 24/7.. all day long... But at times (or i should say today) i am not in the mood to really do the things that i always do when i am on the web... uwaaaaa..... I guess i miss my chat-mate... He's away.. no one to play with me in the Superpoke Pet also... No one to chat with me in YM and yes.. Wadhi is away too... If not i can go crazee with her in MSN.. like Video calling each other for hundred times a day...

So.................
this is my dose for today or i should say this weekend???


a 2004 novel by Nancu Krulik... Actually this was a gift by my sister for me.. But as everybody knows, i DON'T like to read.. therefore this book was just left in dust inside my book rack... haha.. By the way.. having read the first two chapters of the book, i think I'm gonna love this book..

It's not that i don't really read before.. But just that the number of books that i read is so little if i am to compare myself with other people.. No wonder i am so stupid in my CBI class.. Sigh...

So... enough for now.. I am going to read the book. Hopefully i can write something good about this book tomorrow.. Choww...

This has been like ages for me. I haven't write in this blog about my love ones. Now that i have begin to write again i will continue on writing about people that i love. Only that this first quarter of 2009 has really troubled me so much. It troubled my life, my heart, my academic and all part of me. My family has been forced to face something that nobody had ever wanted to face. This was so hard. So hard that it even made me cried whole day long.. Many nights i prayed that those stupid shameful thing never happened. But i accepted this as one of the challenges that Allah sent us. He knows that we can face this. Therefore he test us this way. I am thankful that now, the hard time had passed away. Hopefully we can really take it away.. Far far away that we never have to turned back at it.



My academic... This semester, i just do not know why i had become someone that is so stupid i would say. Maybe this is too much for me. But i just can't take it. Because i know my level. I feel some sort of injustice happened to me. How could i accept this silly injustice when i see someone that is very close to me, shared the same 'stupid' grade as me, suddenly get a better grade than mine. And me.. I still remained as the stupidest of all. What would world call this if not INJUSTICE? I don't remember being so arrogant nor dislike the lecturer if favoritism is one of the criteria to get a better grade in the paper. And this is the trigger that has been pulled to kill me. YES.. To kill me!! I know that i would be getting very low GPA this semester. But what else can i do? I just have to be very patient in accepting everything that have been written for me.

Oh my dear God... This has been so hard for me. Although i had been comforting myself that there is no need to worry much about it but i just can't... People would think that i am stupid. and I definitely can't accept that. Because i know who i am better than anybody else. I hope that You can do something about this, Allah. I can't do anything anymore. I leave everything onto Your hands.

And Him...
I haven't forgotten him. In fact, he always here in my heart. Only that to some extend i am kind of sulking against him. He seemed to hate me. He haven't replied to my messages and even my friend request in Facebook. Arghhh..... Why does he has to act that way. I hate to say this but i think he has become so arrogant with what he has. Buttttttt................... I am not gonna stop loving him. Loving and supporting him is the only thing that i can do now. Although i am not able to have him, but i can still pray for the best thing to happen to him. I want him to live a wonderful life. Yet, i still hope that i can be with him one day. Even if this remain as only unrequited love, i would still be happy..
But......(another long but coming...)
I should not have developed this kind of feeling to somebody else i think... but I DID... arghhh... I am mad with myself too. I could not believe that i had loved someone else' husband. ALLAH..... what is to become of me.

1st --> someone so hard to get
2nd --> someone else' husband



but i didn't ask for these. I just don't understand why i keep on involved in this kind of relationship. I hurt myself whenever i think about this. I hate to admit that i really cherished the moment that i am able to be close to this second him. Although he is just a bus drivers' supervisor but i don't know why i fall so much onto him. I even ready to be another wife of him if he wants me to. I know that this sound kind of stupid but i really do. I just like him. My friends said this is just a crush and i don't know. I guess this is not. This has been almost two weeks that i last saw him, but i haven't forgotten about him. If this is just a crush, i should be able to forget him by now. But actually i don't want to. I want to keep him in my heart. And i pray hard too.. I want him to know that i love him. YES... I did something crazy too.. I text him last Friday. I hope that he'll reply me but he didn't.. Oh yes... i should have known this too. I knew that he would not entertain anybody that he doesn't know, what more he's married. Arghhh... That's the most painful sentence to say. but indeed, that's for real.

I woke every morning to see something good... and I hope by the time i wake up tomorrow, i will be able to see someone that i really love.. know that this sound silly... but i know that Allah will listen to my prayers...

Today... it has been two weeks since i last been with all my girlfriends and boyfriends... Lemme name them

1. Nuwul
2. Jawe
3. Wadhi
4. Fana
5. Kak Ras
6. Balkis
7. Ewan
8. Chegu din

this is US....


These are the people that i think are the closest to me since i entered this course five years ago... and there are few more....

Jeepa, Pelut, Miwul, Yvonne, Jowie, Jasmit, Amanda... and many more lah... I guess i miss all my classmates... except --> The cockroach.. Yucks...

I think i have contacted almost all the names that i have mentioned above during these two weeks.. and yes.. some of them does reply to me and tell me how the are doing and living... and some of them don't.. huhu~

but it's okay to me.. as long as i know that they are still alive and will be meeting me back in two months time... and yes.. I think i'm gonna meet my girlfriends during my sisters' wedding by the end of this month. But i don't know whether Nuwul can make it or not. This is because she is teaching now... Hopefully she'll come..

I miss you guys....

People have blogs, so do I.
People write blogs to express their feeling.... And me????



At first having a blog was just the course requirements that i had to fulfill for my drama class... And then i 'gatal2' wanna do a blog on my personal life (kunun2)... hiks... but then i left it unattended.. got some entries that i posted last year...
See... LAST YEAR.... almost five months gone without me posting anything here... Suddenly i think this is the moment for me to start writing... There is nothing wrong for me to share what i feel with the whole world. Although i know that this is gonna be so hard for other people to read it. Haha... But i don't mind. All i know is that i am happy that at least i got a medium to express my thoughts and feeling...

And i think from now on.. I wanna write about my life n everything that i think possible to be write here.. So that, although when i am gone or no longer able to write, people can still read my story and the story will be forever...

SUERTE DIAH....

A few hours ago…..

I saw something that really broke my heart…

I just wonder how could I see it…

Supposedly I shouldn’t look at it…

Ooh my god…. How long do I have to be like this…

I wonder why the other person got the chance that I desired the most?

Arghh…..

Penatnyer nak fikir pasal ni….

But if I pretend not t o think about it….

I myself will be looking like a crazy gurl…

Macam orang sakit….

Like there is really something BIG that bothers me…

Actually memang ada pun….

But I don’t know lar how to get rid of the pic in my eyes….

I can feel the pain although just by looking at it without a clearer view pun…

I feel like I’m so damn hurt now…

I hate myself for feeling so… Cause I got to believe that there is always some sort of blessing behind everything that happened…

But I just want to know what is the blessing????

how am i to tell him?
i dont know how long can i keep this to myself...
i want him to know...
but i just cant find the way..
im so upset that he lost again yesterday...
but i know.. he didnt feel so stress up because he lost to his team mates..
but at least i am relieved to hear that he will be entering the super series final in KK..
perhaps he could be the master there...
God gracious...
help me make it real..
i really want it to happen...

huhu...
life is hard...
but it is harder because he lost....
he is surely to be blame by everyone.
we could not be so mean, so cruel, so insensitive towards him...
he must be very sad right now.
but who will console him if we never stop blaming him for the loss he caused?
how could we simply point our finger to someone that has given their best?
what would we do if we are in his shoes?
what we would feel?
being very judgemental does not change anything.
things has happened...
let it be that way... all we can do is to accept it the way it is....
pray that things will be better...
remember that if the god does not grant what we wish for, things we expect would not be achieved to...
god gracious, give me the strength to face all this....