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hello my dearest followers...
I'll be moving to the a new blog...
Feel so lazy to update this old one....
SO I guess the new blog will be the one that i will update as much as possible...
Do follow my new blog ya...
missdeeyah.blogspot.com
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Guys and Girls...
I'm back again.. A week after my last post...
I'm here in a room...
A twin sharing room, a mattress and a single door small cupboard por mi...
My school name is SMK Pusat Penyelidikan Pertanian Tun Razak, Jerantut Pahang...
Yes, I am back to my hometown... ok... HOMETOWN... but so not hommy for me...
Well... I guess I gotta get used to this school...
An excellent Principal...
A good school..
An all malay school... from the students, to the teachers, the staffs as well as the canteen workers... (I'm exaggerating... they do have 2 Indian students..)
ALLAH...
I need you... wherever and whenever and whatever I'll be going, and I'll be doing later...
because without you... I am clueless... Helpless and Penniless... ALLAHUAKBAR!!!!
My oh My...
Only one week left...
Hanya seminggu...
DAMN.....
Time flies so fast...
Or.... I'm the one that move so slow???
~The future lies so broad that you don't know what it has in store for you~
REALITY...
1. I'll be called a GSST in a week time...
2. I'll probably have to stay on my own.... (alone or not... I don't know)
3. I'll have to live under the courtesy of my family... (Money, clothing, foods etc.) until I get my first salary which only God knows when..
4. I'll be having new students who are unlikely to be like my past students during my 3 months of practicum...
5. I'll be working officially under new people... I hardly knows anyone of them... I just hope that they are nice people... friendly and helpful... (amen...)
6. I might not be able to contact those who I am so close with now due to the business that we have to deal later on... (but please take note that I love you always...)
7. I will be crying when I eat alone early in the morning during Sahur and in the dusk during Berbuka puasa... (Oh no!! Ramadhan is coming.... I haven't finished replacing my puasa... )
8. I will have to be more efficient in managing my money... Getting my own paycheck I might be able to spend as much money I want w/o much worry about what others would say.. But hey.. Once my money finished... no one gonna gimme money anymore... (uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa T.T)
9. I'm gonna be away really away from ♡♥♡ Bubeau ♡♥♡ .... He'll be living on his own too... Earning his money... Forgetting me... (sob... sob.... T.T)
10. I might becoming a new person... Physically and Mentally.... InsyaAllah...
So peeps... All the best to all of us... in life, in work and in ♡♥♡....
Oh My God....
I guess I should never touch my hair again after this..
I'm so in rage...
I just don't know what should I do to make my hair longer again...
I don't wanna call the Nyonya at the Salon S***** or anything equivalent to that...
But I think she must have been so busy taking care of her crying baby that she become so senseless....
I am so shameful to look at my face without my 'tudung' on...
Erghhhh.....
This is my chopped hair.. Imagined how short my hair after that... OMGaga...
Mari mentafsir mimpi.....
lol... hahaha....
my post in BAHASA??? (can la...)
Jadi Cinderella la pulak... ♥ ♥ ♥
nak kata I ingat rindukan dia sangat tu takde la pulak kn... but he keeps coming into my dreams...
Orang kata... kalau kita selalu dreamt of that somebody... it could be because of kita yang teringatkan dia... OR... that somebody yang maybe tengah rindukan kita... hahaha ♥ ♥ ♥ lah hati I dengar ni...
Malam tadi I mimpikan dia lagi.. haih... parah la camni... betul ke I sayang kat dia ni???
I also don't have the answer.... for the time being ye la kot... but in future??? when both of us are away of each other... will I still be missing him macam sekarang ni??? Only God have the answer....
I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
i spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up
meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
across the universe i go to other galexies
just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
i navigate myself myself to take me where you be
cause girl i want, i, i, i want you right now
i travel uptown (town) i travel downtown
i wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
i love you alway..way
can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
let's walk the bridge, to the other side
just you and I (just you and I)
i will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
i will try, until i die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
for for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
meet me half way, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
i spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up
meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
across the universe i go to other galexies
just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
i navigate myself myself to take me where you be
cause girl i want, i, i, i want you right now
i travel uptown (town) i travel downtown
i wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
i love you alway..way
can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
let's walk the bridge, to the other side
just you and I (just you and I)
i will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
i will try, until i die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
for for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
meet me half way, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
Saturday
July 3rd, 2010.
Posting oh posting...
Where are you???
Posting oh posting...
What should I do???
Posting oh posting...
People are going crazy because of you...
Posting oh posting...
When will we get to see you???
Posting oh posting...
You are just too good to true....
Hope that this issue will certainly be certain in these few days...
I just couldn't take this matter anymore...
Cause many of us are already going
CRAAAAZZZZYYYYYYYYY!!!
Saturday
July 3rd, 2010.
Love is back to me....
All of sudden....
After so long I've been waiting...
His name suddenly appear on my cell phone screen...
Hearing his voice throws away all the suspicions that he doesn't need me anymore...
I know that there are still sunshine for both of us at the end of the day....
Still a long way to go...
For now.. I am happy for this relationship...
You may not know how much I love you...
But all you need to know is that I care a lot about you....
Missing you my ♥ly BuBeau...
HAHAHA...
I Just found out these whole stocks of things to do...
Kinda interesting...
Just wanna share with those that might be in sorrow... (am I mocking myself???)
lol....
Anyway... check this cool link...
Friday
July 2nd, 2010.
It has been two weeks now...
I had finally left the 'student' title behind me...
How do I feel???
1. HAPPY - for now I am exactly got the total freedom from assignments, study, and having to follow rules set by those people.... hehehe..
2. EXCITED - I can't wait to see what's in store for my future... I can't wait to start getting my own money.. my own salary... yeah... SALARY people... not allowance anymore... (this is when you can spend your money without being monitored by others... lol :p)
3. SAD - I don't know what my life would be without my life-mates for 6 years.... Everybody is taking their own ways now... Don't know when are we going to see eachother again... CONVOCATION??? maybe... huhu~ (but that still a long way to go.... )
4. INDECISIVE - this is the hardest part that I hate the most... I hate to have this feeling... I hate to be indecisive in life.... I have reach to the point when I can't make up my mind.. to stay or to go... To hold on or to let go... To throw away or to keep it deep inside.... and it's about this love I had...
WELL.....
We never know what is in store for us next... all we can do is just pray hard that things will go as we wish...
Nobody's gonna paint our future if we don't do it ourselves... Get your life... Live it well... Grateful that you are still blessed to have your greatest treasure by yourside today... (Whoever or whatever it may be..)
Lotsa love...
Deeyah...
Life is something meant to be cherished not to be mourned about...
It is true to a certain extent. However there are still many things that make people think life isn't a bed of roses.
Whenever we think that we have all the good things in the world to make us happy there will be some hindrances that come our way. It will make us think that we are just too unlucky to have what others have... and this is always related to something that we called L.O.V.E!!!!
Many people always regard love as something that keep themselves alive. Something that lead them to wonderland. Something that take them away from misery and troubles. People are ready to drown in a ship called L.O.V.E. They are willing to sacrifice everything just to keep the hope of living together alive and they are also willing to give up any other things as long as they can keep the person they love happy. That's what L.O.V.E means to human. This makes them think that Life is bed of roses when they get whatever they want and be loved by the person they love.
L.O.V.E and ME is never in a good term... I have people that I used to love, that I still love and I will forever love. But I just find it hard to get it expressed. Not that I did not try.. Just that I choose not to express it. For I know that L.O.V.E isn't something that I should trust. Therefore, I had rather keep it for myself. I will never want it to be exposed to the person that I loved and love. And a few days ago, again, I was hurt by someone that I almost called as lover. People know my feeling for him, and I guess he can feel it too. But he was just too dumb to realize what I feel for him.. But I don't wanna blame him for that... He has no reason to like me either... I know that damn well!
HOWEVER....
to those who are reading this post... Feel free to express your feeling... Don't let your love die alive in you just like mine. Tell the person you love what you feel for them... And LIVE your L.O.V.E till the day you breathe your last breath... Muchas SUERTE!
Sometimes....
I would just sit and stare....
Looking at the mirror, looking at the shadow, looking at the pictures....
I feel like there are something that missing....
Today.....
The things that I had once thought had gone missing, is nearly gone....
I do not know why... Neither do I wanna know the reason...
For the reason will only HURT me.....
Yesterday.....
I've announced to the world that I was so happy to have HIM by my side....
I've made public what I feel for HIM...
But no one ever knows how HURT I am deep inside....
Today.....
I cry on the inside....
I realize that all that I did yesterday was just a dream...
A dreamland that has the life of a candle...
Once it is blown by the wind... there it goes... DEAD!!!!
Tomorrow....
Maybe I should just walk away...
I should learn to live without the shadow...
Without YOUR shadow...
Without NO ONE shadow.....
BUT.....
I just don't want to......
Today marks the third day of my holiday at home....
So happy that I've finally able to smell the scent of home again....
Many others would say that life isn't that cool and fun at home... but this is a total opposite for me....
I LOVE BEING AT HOME!!!!
So what..... hahahaha....
What so fun and cool to stay at home???
1. You can sleep as early as you want and also you can have a sleepless night that you desire course no class is waiting for you in the morning....
2. You may also wake up anytime you want.....
3. There is no need for you to do your laundry.... as you have others to wash your clothes.... all you need to do is just spare some time to hang them out... hehehe
4. You don't have to worry about your breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner, supper... all is PREPARED for you... hehe... Move your lazy butt to the kitchen and your meal is there under the 'tudung saji' for you... muahaha....
5. One most exciting thing to do at home is that... you can spend all others' money on anything you want... worry not.... no body gonna bother to use your money... but you can be the blood sucker at home...
These are 5 things that I really cherish while I'm at home... but I forgot to mention one thing... I feel safe and love to be around my FAMILY because they are the greatest gift of all I have ever had.... ♥ ♥ ♥
p/s: I don't wanna go back.... but I mish my baby.... my Silly Ladybird... how is he???
Cinta kini kau pergi
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Begitu cepatnya dia berlalu
Meninggalkan semua
Hanya untuknya
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Begitu cepatnya dia berlalu
Meninggalkan semua
Hanya untuknya
Tiada kata berpisah
Bila harus berakhir segalanya
Untuk kita dan untuk masa bahagia bersamamu
Bila harus berakhir segalanya
Untuk kita dan untuk masa bahagia bersamamu
Katakan padanya
Selamanya dialah kekasihku
Yakinkan untukmu
Dia milikku sampai kapan jua
Hanya untuknya
Selamanya dialah kekasihku
Yakinkan untukmu
Dia milikku sampai kapan jua
Hanya untuknya
Cinta kini kau pergi
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Hanya untuknya
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Hanya untuknya
I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see.
That the joke was on me, oh no.
I started to cry,
which started the whole world laughing.
Oh if I'd only seen,
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh if I'd only seen, that the joke was on me,
Oh no, that the joke was on me.
Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see.
That the joke was on me, oh no.
I started to cry,
which started the whole world laughing.
Oh if I'd only seen,
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh if I'd only seen, that the joke was on me,
Oh no, that the joke was on me.
This week... It marks the fourth week of this very short lecture hours semester... Two more weeks were will be officially doomed to another phase of becoming an English Teacher... *sigh*
So soon....
I thought that yesterday was just the 1st day I came here... to this very same Maktab... (Correction... It ain't a maktab anymore.... IPGM KTI). And now... After 6 years of being a teacher trainee in Maktab and also UPM... I dare not to boast that I am so ready to be called as TEACHER yet...
Having to think of the school that we are going for practicum really drives me to a state where I can declare as 'nearly insane'. This is not to underestimate the school.. but sometimes, I just wonder why didn't they just send us to a closer school to our beloved Maktab? but yeah, yeah... I would just shut my mouth up... no point of arguing or being sad upon this matter... Just chill Deeyah...
Next week....
Assignment dues....
Micro-teaching will commence.....
Unit Plan that gonna crack our mind need to be completed....
Hell yeah... so many things need to be done in this very short limited time span of the semester....
But again.... Say not a complaint....
I have chosen to be in this profession...
Gotta 'REDHA' with everything that will come before me...
I am grateful.... despite all the hardship to complete this short semester of lecture...
the friendship we have are getting stronger... I DON'T DARE to imagine how life would be after we start the practicum session...
I know that they of course life wouldn't be the same anymore...
But I just wish that................................ our F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P will always remain the same...
P/S: when I think that I have nothing to write, actually there so many things to be vomited here... till then...
2009....
Many things had taken place in my life...
Many experiences had matured me...
Many incidents had finally opened up my mind.... About human, about life, about friendship, about love...
But hey.. what happened in 2009 let them remain there... buried deep inside the passing year...
I dare not to look back.. Dare not to think how many of my wishes had I achieved in 2009...
For me...Live must go on... Whether it's 2009, 2010, or 2011...
2010....
This is the year that I've long waited.. haha (am I???)
Hell yeah... This year... It's going to be the last year of my six-year course... or to be precised..
I am gonna graduate after the first half of the year...
Then... Wanna know why I have long waited for this year???
I can't wait to go out to work.. To be officially called as 'Teacher' by my students...
BUT!!!!!
I am not ready yet to live in this second decade of the Millennium...
Am I already 24-year-old this year???? DAMN!!!!
May everyone live happily and blissfully this 2010
- To See The World In a Grain of Sand by William Blake.
- Pied Beauty by Gerard Manley Hopkins
- God Grandeur by Gerard Manley Hopkins.
- Dulce et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen
- The Soldier by Rupert Brooke
- Blackberry Eating by Galway Kinnell’s
- Resume by Dorothy Parker
- The Unknown Citizen by W.H. Auden
- The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe
- Ode To The West Wind by Percy Bysshe Shelley
- Birches by Robert Frost
- Stopping By The Wood On a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
- Mending Wall by Robert Frost
- Design by Robert Frost
- I Heard a Fly buzz when - I died by Emily Dickinson
- Success is counted sweetest by Emily Dickinson
- Because I could not stop for Death - by Emily Dickinson
- The Soul selects her own society - by Emily Dickinson
- The Waking by Theodore Roethke
- The Man He Killed by Thomas Hardy
- Ballard of Birmingham by Dudley Randall
- Morning Song by Sylvia Plath
- Porphyria’s Lover by Robert Browning
- My Last Duchess by Robert Browning
- La Belle Dame San Merci – A Ballad by John Keats
- Ode to a Grecian Urn by John Keats
- Ode To Autumn by John Keats
- Bright Star by John Keats
- Bonny Barbara Allan by Anonymous
- That Time of Year Thou Mayst In Me Behold by William Shakespeare
- My Mistress’s Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun by William Shakespeare
P/S: How to EAT these poems???? OMG I stumbled the moment I saw the numbers....
Someone once told me
That you have to choose
What you win or lose
You cant have everything
Don't you take chances
You might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I could stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy but safe as could be
So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about other pain infront of me
Cause im just tryna be happy, yea
Just wanna be happy, yea
Holding on tightly
Just cant let it go
Just tryna play my role
Slowly diasappear, oooh
Well all these tears
They feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me outta here
Well I can stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
Pass me by
So any turns that i cant see
I'll count a stranger on this road
But don’t say victim
Don't say anything
So what if it hurts me
So what if I break down
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain infront of me
Cause I'm just tryna be happy
Just wanna be happy
Living alone can make us happy too
Happy
Leona Lewis
NANNY? Maybe not so suitable la with me...
haha... Nanny doesn't wake up after all the kids woke up k...
But yeah... The works started by the time I woke up.. Gotta fold all the mattresses, comforters, tidy up the bed... All that a nanny a.k.a a maid would do lah... But hey.. I didn't grumble on this chores k... :-)
Then...
Shower times... Lucky that I only have to prepare two kids... Alia and Ashyraf coz Ainaa and Aimaan can take bath on their own... After I have groomed them... It's the time to fill up their tank... This was the easiest part... Put all the food in front of them and they'll eat quietly.. no worries... :-)
After that...
The part that I hate the most... To supervise them playing... Arghhh.... I am not yet ready to be a mother yet I supposed.... to hear them screaming and fighting over one stupid toys really pissed me off... They can't even play quietly... There are times that they seemed so close and click with each other... But it last very soon.. The moment I stepped away.. they started to pinch each other face, push the other one down.. Oh yeah, this happened to those 2-year-old Alia and 3-year-old Ashyraf...
But there are times when they can stay quietly... It was when they were watching TV together... ahaha... This time, I can go and fill up my own tank... hehe...
In the afternoon, after my Zohor prayer -I escape from giving them lunch... haha... My Aunt had taken care of it- gotta help Ainaa and Aimaan with they exercises... Maths, Science, English... I hentam semua.. hahaha... Another problem arised... The other two budak kecik will starts crying out for their own books and pencil... OMG... Lucky I have my Aunt.. that helped me 'taming them down'... muahahahhaha....
In the evening.. Once again... Gotta take those two kids to the shower... groomed them for their pyjamas... then... I go off for my Maghrib and Isya' while my Aunt feed them for dinner... It was almost 9.30 o'clock that I need to prepare their sleeping mattresses again... When they slept... I finally thought that I have two more serial drama to watch... hehe... It was an Indonesian sinetron and a Filipino telenovela..
1 a.m. = The Nanny had gone somewhere else... to the lala land... (dreaming about HIM)
This routines happened for 2 weeks... And today... Ainaa, Aimaan and Ashyraf went back to their house in Kapar, Klang... Pity my niece Alia.. She was left alone... No buddies to play and fight with anymore... When I heard her talking to Ainaa on the phone and ask her to come down to sleep with her, I felt a warm tear drops on my face... May she just doing fine and not get affected so much over this matter... Just don't want her to fall sick...
Taking them to bath outside the haus...
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