Today... Saturday... November 28th 2009... A bright sunny day...
A day that had long been waited by one of my childhood, schoolmate and gossip-mate, SITI ZARIENA BT. AZIZ... Today is her engagement day... Congratulation to her... After almost 6 months of being quiet about each other's life, she broke the silence last week by telling me that she will be engaged today...
At first, I thought of not going... Maybe because I have no company to go... But after making a promise with her and my other friend, I decided to go... Although we arrived right after the groom side left, but hey.. I managed to be there too what...
She seemed to be glowingly happy today... I am happy for her too... BUT....
There's another thing that came across my mind.. Are we ready enough to step into the next phase of our lives? I mean... How many of us really know when to settle down? She is lucky that she knows, this is the time... But what about other people? Are they ready too?
God knows the answer... All in all... I am happy that I am still free to do and live my life the way I want it...
To Lina, I love u babe... Hope you have made the right decision... I pray only the best for you...
1. I MUST be able to put myself first in all situation
2. I MUST be able to control my food consumption... Bukan sebab nk kurus okay.. but it is necessary to make sure that I remain healthy...
3. I MUST be able to stop thinking about HIM - That bus driver laa... who else... Damn!!! so hard....
4. I MUST be able to stop thinking about another HIM too... He was OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER.....
5. I MUST be able to make sure that the numero uno HIM bags the USD50,000 next month... How I gonna do it? I don't know too... hahaha... lol
6. I MUST be able to get rid of all unnecessary feeling about my Silly Ladybird... He's just a friend... someone I'd love to flirt around with...
7. I MUST be able to control my emotion when I didn't get the things I want... I'm gonna turn 24 next year... gotta be a little mature la...
8. I MUST be able to stop blaming myself when things don't go my way... It ain't me that is guilty all the time...
9. I MUST be able to stop doing things for the sake of others... that sucks u know.... arghhh!!!!
10. I MUST be able to complete sewing all the beads... haha... Gonna wear the Kurung during the TESL dinner... but I haven't confirm I'll be going or not...
HOPEFULLY..... When the date turns 01.01.2010 DEEYAH will be somebody new in a good way... Amen...
You’re everything I thought you never were And nothing like I thought you could’ve been But still you live inside of me So tell me how is that?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget The only one I’d love to not forgive And though you break my heart, you’re the only one And though there are times when I hate you Cause I can’t erase The times that you hurt me And put tears on my face And even now while I hate you It pains me to say I know I’ll be there at the end of the day
I don’t wanna be without you babe I don’t want a broken heart Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe I don’t wanna play that part I know that I love you But let me just say I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no I don’t want a broken heart And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No No broken-hearted girl I’m no broken-hearted girl
Something that I feel I need to say But up to now I’ve always been afraid That you would never come around And still I want to put this out You say you’ve got the most respect for me But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me And still you’re in my heart But you’re the only one and yes There are times when I hate you But I don’t complain Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away Oh but now I don’t hate you I’m happy to say That I will be there at the end of the day
I don’t wanna be without you babe I don’t want a broken heart Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe I don’t wanna play that part I know that I love you But let me just say I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no I don’t want a broken heart And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No No broken-hearted girl
Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free To spread my wings and fly away Away With you yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh
I don’t wanna be without my baby I don’t wanna a broken heart Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby I don’t wanna play that part I know that I love you But let me just say I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No I don’t want a broken heart I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No.. No broken-hearted girl Broken-hearted girl No…no… No broken-hearted girl No broken-hearted girl
I think I have taken a really long rest from blogging. Indeed I miss to write again… But since there were so many things that have taken place in my life during my absenteeism of this blogging world… To write it down, surely it will cost me several nights to finish writing… So, I chose not to write about them. But only one thing that I really wanna share…I have a friend that miraculously called himself a best friend of mine… but he never stood up for me. That was a pity. He hate people to talk bad things about both of us, but yet, he never told them the truth. And then, he simply chose to walk away from me. He acted as if I am the guiltiest human on earth for doing him injustice. And yes…There is another thing that really turned me off… He believed in what other said about me. He believed it when people told him that I love him, that I like him. OH MY GOD!!! Is he blind??? Can’t he see who I really interested in? And he should’ve known that the one I love… The HIMs that I always talk about in this blog aren’t him at all… Why the hell in the world would I want to love him? Did he forget that we had made a pact that we will always remain as best friends no matter what happened? To one extend, I think it is better that we stop being friend to each other, for he is so afraid to be seen sitting next to me, talking to me freely and also to be known as my friend. Then, what’s the use of calling me best friend in the first place? Now, I could say that I can learn to treat him as friend again… But, I should let you know that, me myself, wouldn’t know how to act or I should say, to pretend like there was nothing happened and treat him the way I used to treat him before… A wound will always leave a scar though by that time we can’t feel the pain anymore…..
YES... ME??? I am happy that this is our winning day after a month of fasting...
BUT.... ME also feeling kinda sad that my eldest sis cannot celebrate raya with us this year... not that she decided to celebrate it with her 'new' family, her in-laws... BUT... her husband was admitted to Hospital Kangar a night before raya... huhu~ and until today... she's still in Kangar... She couldn't taste the good taste of Lemang and Rendang... or eat the kuih raya that she ordered for so many boxes... And what make me even sad is that... I hardly even get a chance to apologize for all my wrongdoings... I know that she will always forgive me but come to think of it... I feel so sad for her... this should be her first raya as a wife, she should be happily celebrating Aidilfitri with her husband but she has to accompany him in the hospital... so big the trial that she has to face...
Enough with the sad part... Ya ya.. I am happy that this year.... I collect so many duit raya... Hopefully it can cover my expenditures for another month in that so-unwanted-to-be-described place... huhu~
And today... I just came back from a roadtrip to Kuala Terangganu... Me, my second sis, my niece and my mom... We went there yesterday afternoon... Though at first, our trip supposed to be a trip to Port Dickson.. But due to some technical problem, we shifted our journey.. instead of going to the polluted sea of the west coast, we chose to please our eyes with the blue ocean of the lil' polluted and still clean ocean of the east coast... hehe :p... Talking about the sea.... WE DIDN'T GO TO ANY BEACH AFTER ALL... just as what I mentioned above, we only pleased our eyes... All we do is go beraya and filled our stomach of multiple+variety of cuisines and dishes and juices... ?(thinking of it makes me go dizzy)
and today... i am super duper exhausted... don't know where the cars came from... our journey home took more than 7 hours... plus, i mistakenly told my sister to take the wrong exit from the highway that add up the minutes... arghh.... BUT before that... I was so pissed off with a group of rude young boys that didn't know how to Q and respect other people... I was lining up to place my order, and before me was another lady... and when I arrived this group of boys are already there, but they were just mingling at the counter and discussed of what to order and how much does it cost... I didn't mind about that, but what drove me mad was, right after the lady before me received her orders, they cross my line and place their order for more than five minutes and flirt with the cashier at the same time... I was speechless that I afraid I might spit at their faces at the moment... Thank ALLAH I was still calm and controlled then... I hope that I will never face these type of people again... I am afraid that I might not be so calm if that moment comes...
As what I stated in my status in Facebook... what disappointed me the most is that, someone broke his promise to me... I know, I shouldn't have trusted him in the 1st place... cuz, this is what happened when you think so much of that person and his sweet talk... arghhh.... WHATEVER.... I don't wanna think about this anymore right now.. Let it be, what it wanna be...
AND I AM UNHAPPY TOO BECAUSE AT THIS RAYA TIME, HE LOST AGAIN!!! What had happened??? ONLY GOD HAVE THE ANSWERS....
It's almost the end of Ramadhan... Tomorrow is the last day all of Muslims will be fasting for this year.... And after that is hari raya... I am so sad that this is the time for Ramadhan to leave... I am so sad that there was not much terawih that I can complete this year due to the terrible workloads and also tests.... Hopefully, I am still blessed with good health and long life to be able to complete next year Ramadhan with more good deeds and terawih... I want to wish all my Muslims friends, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin... I know I had done many wrongdoings to people.. forgive me... I wish that all of us can start anew... and to all my non-Muslims friends, happy holiday... see you guys after 9 days... XOXO...
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 5th, 2009... 15 Ramadhan 1430 H
1. I am alone in my room...
2. Just finished my washing...
3. My roommate isn't around...
4. All my other friends are sleeping...
BUT ME??? What am I to do???
These are all the things that bothering my mind now... and yes there is one more thing that i forgot to write...
5. I am missing HIM, HIM and HIM...
huhu~ so many HIM to be missed... But what to do... I'm missing all of them...
6. I miss my family too...
Yesterday my dad gave me a call and asked me whether I'm going back or not... I said NO... because there was no ticket to go back... He should know that I really want to go back... I really do... Now, I can feel that I don't have my heart with me... IT was everywhere... I gave them to my family, to HIM, HIM and HIM... I think I kind of made a mistake by giving away all my heart to them... I should save some part of it with me for me to be strong when I am away from them... Arghhhhh!!!
But I got to be strong... There is not many days left anymore for me to go back home once again... It's raya time... Now I start wondering whether all my baju raya are ready... hurmmm... Gotta give my mum a call later on... Can't wait to go back.... But here... THOUGH MY HEART ISN'T HERE WITH ME... But I have to prepare so many things... and works of course...
1. PBL assignment... still have no idea what to do... Ewan... Please lar give me some idea...
2. 2 @ 3 TEST... Methodology, Methods and Materials... ARGHHH... and I haven't started any reading... lol....
3. PUBLIC SPEAKING??? DAMN!!! I don't have a topic yet for my persuasive speech...
It had been a while since I last posted an entry in my blog. Not that I don’t have anything to share, anything to write… Just that there had been too many things that happened and I just don’t know what should I blog about.
First and foremost… when I was first back in IPTB (now known as IPGKDB), I was so pissed off that they put 17 of us together in a warden house.But this is also not due to any prior notice. They have taken full month rent for a room of two from us but they made us squeeze like sardines where we had no table to study, no rack to put our books, not even a proper space to perform our prayers. But then when we had made ourselves comfortable with the situation that was far from normal IPGKTI’s students comfort, (some of my friends had even bought fans, racks, tables) they forced us to leave the house and move into a new block. This had really driven me mad. And I was pretty sure that others were feeling the same too. What make me more furious was that, they said “kamu akan dipindahkan tanpa sebarang alasan!”(H.E.B, 2009) What did they think about this? Have they even had small space in their heart that sympathize with their students??? And yet, now it had been almost a month that we stay in the new hostel. Yeah, this place is way much better than house that we have our personal space, only that we I come to think of what they did to us when we first back here I couldn’t help but to CURSE…
Classroom??? We are using our old class where we can still see the stain left by the extra strong glue to stick the motto our class four years back which is ‘NOTHING LESS’. Speaking of nothing less, I think, we should now yearn for EVERYTHING from that nothing less momma. There are too many differences that I think I couldn’t accept just yet. She has to change. She has to make us stop cursing her everyday we see her. I didn’t feel any good either to come to class and say bad things about lecturers but just that if the lecturer seems to force us to say bad things about he or she, I believe that no one is able to get away with it… right??? This semester has also come to it’s half way. And to be honest, I am yet to adjust myself to this everyday-group-discussion syndrome. Huhu~
Friendship??? I am happy that we are getting closer everyday. My 7 gorgeous girls and also another 24 beautiful ladies in my batch, not to mention one that I really outcast already, we are UNITED as one. We went to a paintball game with the whole batch although there are some of us who couldn’t make it but the experience was just too cool..à I didn’t play but I went to stalk and pretended as a pro-photographer.But then, what I think I have long to do and I able to do it was, I able to talk to my friend, a friend that hardly knows what we feel for her, all the things that triggered in my mind. I told her everything that I think I should’ve told her two years ago.. But Thank god, Alhamdulillah, she was now okay and able to accept herself the way she had forgotten when she was with that creature. We were all so proud of you my dear friend. And yes, I believe that our friendships bond will become stronger and tighter from then.
The Gorgeous Girls??? We are fun as usual… We are crazy as before… and we are as gorgeous as before… Hahahaha… Sekali sekala perasan, it’s okay kan????
HIM???? He lost in the tournament where he and his partner was the most eligible pair in the world to win it. But this time around I was proud that I did not lose my sanity. What I meant was, I still able to eat properly, and laugh and work and study as usual not like what happened to me two years back when he lost in Kuala Lumpur.And I am looking forward for his next tournament. I just hope that he could be more dedicated and high spirit to win all the titles. I will always support him though he might not know about it.
HIM No.2??? I am stronger now. Though the last goodbye that I thought should take its way has already taken place, but I has not just yet. The relationship is still on. Just that I don’t want to cling onto him anymore. I’ve had enough of crying and restless night thinking about what he’s been doing, what will tomorrow bring for both of us. I am now more freed to choose on whoever I would like to be with. Whoever guys that I want to hang out with. He’s no longer that special to me. Although he is still there in a very special corner in my heart, but he should just remain there silently and let me move on with my life my way…
MYSELF???? I am forever ME. I am still STRONG, BIG girl, FAT and HEALTHY. So what if I am fat??? I didn’t ask for anyone’s money to buy me food, nor that do I want to be FAT. This is what ALLAH had written for me. I will live the way my destiny was written. I will live healthily and live in my own WAY… I appreciate comments that people give on my physical and it has not hurt me at all because I am happy with myself now.I will continue on living proud and stand tall with MYSELF…VIVA DEEYAH PARA SIEMPRE…Till next time…
Today.... Everything has come to an END... And... now I really believe that I SHOULD learn to live without HIM... It's over.. He moved on.. And I need to MOVE ON too...
I'll sing it one last time for you Then we really have to go You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done And I can barely look at you But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear Louder louder And we'll run for our lives I can hardly speak I understand Why you can't raise your voice to say To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do....
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