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EID MUBARAK everyone...
Supposed this day everyone would be very happy...
YES... ME??? I am happy that this is our winning day after a month of fasting...
BUT.... ME also feeling kinda sad that my eldest sis cannot celebrate raya with us this year...
not that she decided to celebrate it with her 'new' family, her in-laws... BUT... her husband was admitted to Hospital Kangar a night before raya... huhu~ and until today... she's still in Kangar... She couldn't taste the good taste of Lemang and Rendang... or eat the kuih raya that she ordered for so many boxes... And what make me even sad is that... I hardly even get a chance to apologize for all my wrongdoings... I know that she will always forgive me but come to think of it... I feel so sad for her... this should be her first raya as a wife, she should be happily celebrating Aidilfitri with her husband but she has to accompany him in the hospital... so big the trial that she has to face...
Enough with the sad part... Ya ya.. I am happy that this year.... I collect so many duit raya... Hopefully it can cover my expenditures for another month in that so-unwanted-to-be-described place... huhu~
And today...
I just came back from a roadtrip to Kuala Terangganu... Me, my second sis, my niece and my mom... We went there yesterday afternoon... Though at first, our trip supposed to be a trip to Port Dickson.. But due to some technical problem, we shifted our journey.. instead of going to the polluted sea of the west coast, we chose to please our eyes with the blue ocean of the lil' polluted and still clean ocean of the east coast... hehe :p...
Talking about the sea.... WE DIDN'T GO TO ANY BEACH AFTER ALL... just as what I mentioned above, we only pleased our eyes... All we do is go beraya and filled our stomach of multiple+variety of cuisines and dishes and juices... ?(thinking of it makes me go dizzy)
and today... i am super duper exhausted... don't know where the cars came from... our journey home took more than 7 hours... plus, i mistakenly told my sister to take the wrong exit from the highway that add up the minutes... arghh.... BUT before that... I was so pissed off with a group of rude young boys that didn't know how to Q and respect other people... I was lining up to place my order, and before me was another lady... and when I arrived this group of boys are already there, but they were just mingling at the counter and discussed of what to order and how much does it cost... I didn't mind about that, but what drove me mad was, right after the lady before me received her orders, they cross my line and place their order for more than five minutes and flirt with the cashier at the same time... I was speechless that I afraid I might spit at their faces at the moment... Thank ALLAH I was still calm and controlled then... I hope that I will never face these type of people again... I am afraid that I might not be so calm if that moment comes...
As what I stated in my status in Facebook... what disappointed me the most is that, someone broke his promise to me... I know, I shouldn't have trusted him in the 1st place... cuz, this is what happened when you think so much of that person and his sweet talk... arghhh.... WHATEVER.... I don't wanna think about this anymore right now.. Let it be, what it wanna be...
AND I AM UNHAPPY TOO BECAUSE AT THIS RAYA TIME, HE LOST AGAIN!!! What had happened??? ONLY GOD HAVE THE ANSWERS....
It's almost the end of Ramadhan... Tomorrow is the last day all of Muslims will be fasting for this year.... And after that is hari raya... I am so sad that this is the time for Ramadhan to leave... I am so sad that there was not much terawih that I can complete this year due to the terrible workloads and also tests.... Hopefully, I am still blessed with good health and long life to be able to complete next year Ramadhan with more good deeds and terawih... I want to wish all my Muslims friends, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin... I know I had done many wrongdoings to people.. forgive me... I wish that all of us can start anew... and to all my non-Muslims friends, happy holiday... see you guys after 9 days... XOXO...
SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER 5th, 2009...
15 Ramadhan 1430 H
1. I am alone in my room...
2. Just finished my washing...
3. My roommate isn't around...
4. All my other friends are sleeping...
BUT ME??? What am I to do???
These are all the things that bothering my mind now... and yes there is one more thing that i forgot to write...
5. I am missing HIM, HIM and HIM...
huhu~ so many HIM to be missed... But what to do... I'm missing all of them...
6. I miss my family too...
Yesterday my dad gave me a call and asked me whether I'm going back or not... I said NO... because there was no ticket to go back... He should know that I really want to go back... I really do... Now, I can feel that I don't have my heart with me... IT was everywhere... I gave them to my family, to HIM, HIM and HIM... I think I kind of made a mistake by giving away all my heart to them... I should save some part of it with me for me to be strong when I am away from them... Arghhhhh!!!
But I got to be strong... There is not many days left anymore for me to go back home once again... It's raya time... Now I start wondering whether all my baju raya are ready... hurmmm... Gotta give my mum a call later on... Can't wait to go back....
But here... THOUGH MY HEART ISN'T HERE WITH ME... But I have to prepare so many things... and works of course...
1. PBL assignment... still have no idea what to do... Ewan... Please lar give me
some idea...
2. 2 @ 3 TEST... Methodology, Methods and Materials... ARGHHH... and I haven't started any reading... lol....
3. PUBLIC SPEAKING??? DAMN!!! I don't have a topic yet for my persuasive speech...
S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S
I NEED HELP... I NEED MY HEART BACK... I HAVE TO COMPLETE ALL THE WORKS AND TESTS FIRST...
Hope that the world will move faster... I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AGAIN...
And yes... I hope that it will be soon that it will be soon that I can meet him again... hehe :p
Till next time... XOXO...
It had been a while since I last posted an entry in my blog. Not that I don’t have anything to share, anything to write… Just that there had been too many things that happened and I just don’t know what should I blog about.
First and foremost… when I was first back in IPTB (now known as IPGKDB), I was so pissed off that they put 17 of us together in a warden house. But this is also not due to any prior notice. They have taken full month rent for a room of two from us but they made us squeeze like sardines where we had no table to study, no rack to put our books, not even a proper space to perform our prayers. But then when we had made ourselves comfortable with the situation that was far from normal IPGKTI’s students comfort, (some of my friends had even bought fans, racks, tables) they forced us to leave the house and move into a new block. This had really driven me mad. And I was pretty sure that others were feeling the same too. What make me more furious was that, they said “kamu akan dipindahkan tanpa sebarang alasan!”(H.E.B, 2009) What did they think about this? Have they even had small space in their heart that sympathize with their students??? And yet, now it had been almost a month that we stay in the new hostel. Yeah, this place is way much better than house that we have our personal space, only that we I come to think of what they did to us when we first back here I couldn’t help but to CURSE…
Classroom??? We are using our old class where we can still see the stain left by the extra strong glue to stick the motto our class four years back which is ‘NOTHING LESS’. Speaking of nothing less, I think, we should now yearn for EVERYTHING from that nothing less momma. There are too many differences that I think I couldn’t accept just yet. She has to change. She has to make us stop cursing her everyday we see her. I didn’t feel any good either to come to class and say bad things about lecturers but just that if the lecturer seems to force us to say bad things about he or she, I believe that no one is able to get away with it… right??? This semester has also come to it’s half way. And to be honest, I am yet to adjust myself to this everyday-group-discussion syndrome. Huhu~
Friendship??? I am happy that we are getting closer everyday. My 7 gorgeous girls and also another 24 beautiful ladies in my batch, not to mention one that I really outcast already, we are UNITED as one. We went to a paintball game with the whole batch although there are some of us who couldn’t make it but the experience was just too cool.. Ã I didn’t play but I went to stalk and pretended as a pro-photographer. But then, what I think I have long to do and I able to do it was, I able to talk to my friend, a friend that hardly knows what we feel for her, all the things that triggered in my mind. I told her everything that I think I should’ve told her two years ago.. But Thank god, Alhamdulillah, she was now okay and able to accept herself the way she had forgotten when she was with that creature. We were all so proud of you my dear friend. And yes, I believe that our friendships bond will become stronger and tighter from then.
The Gorgeous Girls??? We are fun as usual… We are crazy as before… and we are as gorgeous as before… Hahahaha… Sekali sekala perasan, it’s okay kan????
HIM???? He lost in the tournament where he and his partner was the most eligible pair in the world to win it. But this time around I was proud that I did not lose my sanity. What I meant was, I still able to eat properly, and laugh and work and study as usual not like what happened to me two years back when he lost in Kuala Lumpur. And I am looking forward for his next tournament. I just hope that he could be more dedicated and high spirit to win all the titles. I will always support him though he might not know about it.
HIM No.2??? I am stronger now. Though the last goodbye that I thought should take its way has already taken place, but I has not just yet. The relationship is still on. Just that I don’t want to cling onto him anymore. I’ve had enough of crying and restless night thinking about what he’s been doing, what will tomorrow bring for both of us. I am now more freed to choose on whoever I would like to be with. Whoever guys that I want to hang out with. He’s no longer that special to me. Although he is still there in a very special corner in my heart, but he should just remain there silently and let me move on with my life my way…
MYSELF???? I am forever ME. I am still STRONG, BIG girl, FAT and HEALTHY. So what if I am fat??? I didn’t ask for anyone’s money to buy me food, nor that do I want to be FAT. This is what ALLAH had written for me. I will live the way my destiny was written. I will live healthily and live in my own WAY… I appreciate comments that people give on my physical and it has not hurt me at all because I am happy with myself now. I will continue on living proud and stand tall with MYSELF… VIVA DEEYAH PARA SIEMPRE… Till next time…
Today....
Everything has come to an END...
And... now I really believe that I SHOULD learn to live without HIM...
It's over.. He moved on.. And I need to MOVE ON too...
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do....
I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why
Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why
Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no,
As no surprise
If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why
Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
(stayed till today)
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise
This is indeed a new single released by Daughtry... and it really leaves a deepest scar in my heart...
I don't understand why I keep hurting myself.. as if I really enjoy to be hurt.. arghhh... That's just so typical of me.. I thought i have learned my lesson.. But I don't know for how long would i be 'educated' with this lesson.. I feel like i was so lucky to be blessed with some or I should say one caring people by my side.. that wants to accompany me until two o'clock in the morning just to make sure that I am doing well... But.. I don't realize that it was just some sort of mirage that keeps on lying to me.. That keeps on giving me false hope. I hate to dream.. I hate to dream about having him by myside all the time. Maybe I should start learning to live on my own. Live without concerning whether he has eaten, whether he sleeps well, whether he remember me... So much so, I should learn not to believe in all he said... "Don't get in contact with you doesn't me i don't remember you.." Holy S**t... all that was a crap that he likes to say... Arghhh... I cursed the day I met him.. I know.. I should be okay... LIVE MY LIFE COOL....
ZUMA: I finally succeed in my mission to accomplish all the stages in this game...
BADMINTON: I cried so loud that my Zulkarnain screwed up his game and ended his campaign in Singapore Open... S***!!!!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND why i always come into this situation. I was so happy just a few moments before and then when i was about to share the happiness with some other people... The unwanted SADNESS and DESTROYING moment comes to me... I really feel like cursing myself for all these stupid things.
Takkanlah sebab aku wish best of luck malam tadi... All these become a CURSE to him? Arghhhh.....
So hard for me to accept this fact..
Tired...
Exhausted...
Extremely weak...
These are the outcomes of my sisters' wedding... The 'kepenatan' has really taken its toll on me in these two weeks... DAMN!!! However that 'damn' was not for the wedding... Don't take me wrong okay.... It is absolutely for all my sweats and body-ache... huhuhu~
I think... this was the only time i worked real hard for a kenduri... It's not that i didn't do anything in any other kenduri before... Only that, before this, there were two other sisters that helped.. BUT.......... As this is their wedding... i gotta sacrifice a bit lar... Nevermind lah....
Then the next day... we made a trip to Padang Piol for my third sister majlis bertandang... huh... Under the hot-burning-angry sun... we have to make a journey that took almost one and a half hour... duhh.... then me, fanna and jawe went back with kak yati, my second sister... Had a bowl of untasty cendol on our way back... and wanna know what make the cendol even untastier??? Its the shop owner.... How could he nagged on his niece in front of his costumer??? Putus selera aku... huh!!... we made way home... then the next day i sent fana and jawe home at benta... when i am home... i am actually half dead because the road was so 'memabukkan'... huhu~
Four days later.... We made another 'hantar menantu' trip. But this time... a little far... let me correct this... A thousand miles far than the trip to padang piol... huhu~ We stop at my sister's house in Ipoh (again??? hahhaa... actually this is my own hantar menantu trip...) before continue our journey to Kodiang, Kedah... But i just don't know how to control my sleepiness.... I slept until everyone had finished taking their bath... huhu~... And i was the last that take the shower and had the least breakfast -->minum air milo sejuk jer... <-- this was so pity tau... somemore we were to make another four hour journey to Kodiang... huhu~ Actually there is another three pack of nasi lemak... But they were all brought into the van. I quickly went and get one pack for me... hungry tau.... huhuhu~... Then we started the roadtrip.... We passed the whole north part of Perak, some part of Penang and then... We reach Kedah... Finally... I stepped my foot on the Negeri Jelapang Padi... They was so green... real green.... I fell in love with the scenery as soon as i saw them... Lucky those people in Kedah... they don't have to go far to find a suitable place to strike a pose... hahahhahahahahahahaha........ (photoshoot come across my mind notthing else.... ) We reached Padang Sera to stop by my brother in law aunt's house before we proceed to the kenduri around 1 p.m... 
OH MY GOD...... It was so hot... i feel like we were left on Sahara Desert. Goodness me... I just couldn't find a place to get rid of the burning sun. And what most terrible is that we had to wait for almost 2 hours for another pair of newlyweds which was my brother in law's younger brother and his wife to arrive first before we went to the kenduri... What the.... huh... Finally at 2.35 p.m we made our way to Kodiang, the grooms' house.. As soon as we arrived... They asked us to straight away sit under the canopy and had our lunch... And the best part was... we had the huge standing fan behind us... WoOOWwww... That was awesome... I mumble no more about the sweat and burning sun... and ate all the delicious dishes that were served quitely... hehehhe....
Then... It's the time to leave the newlyweds... We made our moves around 4.30 p.m... Then we headed to Bukit Kayu Hitam... Wahh.... Here again... I didn't believe that i had stepped into the border of Thailand.. there were so many thailand people around... everywhere in the Duty Free Zone of Bukit Kayu Hitam we could see them... Huh... Only few more metres before we actually stepped into Hatyai... hehe.... Wanna go there someday.... We drove out of Bukit Katu Hitam around 6 p.m... We had to go back... So sad... I belum puas jalan-jalan what... huhu~ But that night we actually rested at my sis house in Ipoh once again before going back to Pahang. We reached her house around 11 p.m and we drove back to Pahang at 2 a.m....
Finally it's home SWEET home again at 7.45 am the next day... Perghh.... What a tiring journey I had last weekend... And because of i am extremely weakened by the journey i only woke up by 2.30 p.m yesterday... my body was aching everywhere because of the long journey and the small space i had to squeeze in the van... huhu~
WEDDING..... i don't despise you... But i am really tired of having to involve with you...
so please... At least... Give me some rest these few years...
We are the crowd
We're cuh-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastic, oh
Leather and jeans
your watch glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby I-
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your-
Papa-Paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
I'll be your girl backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah cause you know I'm starting between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes
Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and return
My lashes are dry- But the teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is Cherry Pie
'Cause you know that baby I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
Real good, We're dancing in the studio
Stop-stopped, That shit on the radio
Don't stop, for anyone
We'll Blast it but we'll still have fun
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi
hahaha... Lady Gaga just know what my feeling is....
so fantastic oh.....
This week on May 30th, two of my sisters are going to have their big day --> WEDDING.
And me???? As usual, there are many things that i have to involve in....
From packing all the souvenirs, 'bunga telur' for the guests to clearing up the house.
This whole week is going to be very hectic and tiring. I can't wait for Jawe, Wadhi and Fana to come to my house this coming Thursday. Balkis isn't confirmed yet whether she could make it or not. And my other friends couldn't attend the wedding because of some other matters...
Hope that the wedding goes well and been blessed. Amen...
By the way.. there is one thing that i dislike to hear the most... When people asking "when is your turn?" Duh!... Me and Wedding??? So not in sync now... I don't know if in 5-6 years ahead i'll start thinking about getting married. But as for now, i don't think i am yet to find a boyfriend to get married. I have lost my heart to be married unless if he is my Zulkarnain... huhuhu~