Me.My Life.Him.You

This week... It marks the fourth week of this very short lecture hours semester... Two more weeks were will be officially doomed to another phase of becoming an English Teacher... *sigh*

So soon....
I thought that yesterday was just the 1st day I came here... to this very same Maktab... (Correction... It ain't a maktab anymore.... IPGM KTI). And now... After 6 years of being a teacher trainee in Maktab and also UPM... I dare not to boast that I am so ready to be called as TEACHER yet...

Having to think of the school that we are going for practicum really drives me to a state where I can declare as 'nearly insane'. This is not to underestimate the school.. but sometimes, I just wonder why didn't they just send us to a closer school to our beloved Maktab? but yeah, yeah... I would just shut my mouth up... no point of arguing or being sad upon this matter... Just chill Deeyah...

Next week....

Assignment dues....
Micro-teaching will commence.....
Unit Plan that gonna crack our mind need to be completed....
Hell yeah... so many things need to be done in this very short limited time span of the semester....
But again.... Say not a complaint....
I have chosen to be in this profession...
Gotta 'REDHA' with everything that will come before me...

I am grateful.... despite all the hardship to complete this short semester of lecture...
the friendship we have are getting stronger... I DON'T DARE to imagine how life would be after we start the practicum session...
I know that they of course life wouldn't be the same anymore...
But I just wish that................................ our F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P will always remain the same...

P/S: when I think that I have nothing to write, actually there so many things to be vomited here... till then...

2009....
Many things had taken place in my life...
Many experiences had matured me...
Many incidents had finally opened up my mind.... About human, about life, about friendship, about love...
But hey.. what happened in 2009 let them remain there... buried deep inside the passing year...
I dare not to look back.. Dare not to think how many of my wishes had I achieved in 2009...
For me...Live must go on... Whether it's 2009, 2010, or 2011...

2010....
This is the year that I've long waited.. haha (am I???)
Hell yeah... This year... It's going to be the last year of my six-year course... or to be precised..
I am gonna graduate after the first half of the year...
Then... Wanna know why I have long waited for this year???
I can't wait to go out to work.. To be officially called as 'Teacher' by my students...
BUT!!!!!
I am not ready yet to live in this second decade of the Millennium...
Am I already 24-year-old this year???? DAMN!!!! 

1. To See The World In a Grain of Sand by William Blake.
2. Pied Beauty by Gerard Manley Hopkins
3. God Grandeur by Gerard Manley Hopkins.
4. Dulce et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen
5. The Soldier by Rupert Brooke
6. Blackberry Eating by Galway Kinnell’s
7. Resume by Dorothy Parker
8. The Unknown Citizen by W.H. Auden
9. The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe
10. Ode To The West Wind by Percy Bysshe Shelley
11. Birches by Robert Frost
12. Stopping By The Wood On a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
13. Mending Wall by Robert Frost
14. Design by Robert Frost
15. I Heard a Fly buzz when - I died by Emily Dickinson
16. Success is counted sweetest by Emily Dickinson
17. Because I could not stop for Death - by Emily Dickinson
18. The Soul selects her own society - by Emily Dickinson
19. The Waking by Theodore Roethke
20. The Man He Killed by Thomas Hardy
21. Ballard of Birmingham by Dudley Randall
22. Morning Song by Sylvia Plath
23. Porphyria’s Lover by Robert Browning
24. My Last Duchess by Robert Browning
25. La Belle Dame San Merci – A Ballad by John Keats
26. Ode to a Grecian Urn by John Keats
27. Ode To Autumn by John Keats
28. Bright Star by John Keats
29. Bonny Barbara Allan by Anonymous
30. That Time of Year Thou Mayst In Me Behold by William Shakespeare
31. My Mistress’s Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun by William Shakespeare

P/S: How to EAT these poems???? OMG I stumbled the moment I saw the numbers....

NANNY? Maybe not so suitable la with me...
haha... Nanny doesn't wake up after all the kids woke up k...
But yeah... The works started by the time I woke up.. Gotta fold all the mattresses, comforters, tidy up the bed... All that a nanny a.k.a a maid would do lah... But hey.. I didn't grumble on this chores k... :-)

Then...
Shower times... Lucky that I only have to prepare two kids... Alia and Ashyraf coz Ainaa and Aimaan can take bath on their own... After I have groomed them... It's the time to fill up their tank... This was the easiest part... Put all the food in front of them and they'll eat quietly.. no worries... :-)

After that...
The part that I hate the most... To supervise them playing... Arghhh.... I am not yet ready to be a mother yet I supposed.... to hear them screaming and fighting over one stupid toys really pissed me off... They can't even play quietly... There are times that they seemed so close and click with each other... But it last very soon.. The moment I stepped away.. they started to pinch each other face, push the other one down.. Oh yeah, this happened to those 2-year-old Alia and 3-year-old Ashyraf...

But there are times when they can stay quietly... It was when they were watching TV together... ahaha... This time, I can go and fill up my own tank... hehe...

In the afternoon, after my Zohor prayer -I escape from giving them lunch... haha... My Aunt had taken care of it- gotta help Ainaa and Aimaan with they exercises... Maths, Science, English... I hentam semua.. hahaha... Another problem arised... The other two budak kecik will starts crying out for their own books and pencil... OMG... Lucky I have my Aunt.. that helped me 'taming them down'... muahahahhaha....

In the evening.. Once again... Gotta take those two kids to the shower... groomed them for their pyjamas... then... I go off for my Maghrib and Isya' while my Aunt feed them for dinner... It was almost 9.30 o'clock that I need to prepare their sleeping mattresses again... When they slept... I finally thought that I have two more serial drama to watch... hehe... It was an Indonesian sinetron and a Filipino telenovela..

1 a.m. = The Nanny had gone somewhere else... to the lala land... (dreaming about HIM)

This routines happened for 2 weeks... And today... Ainaa, Aimaan and Ashyraf went back to their house in Kapar, Klang... Pity my niece Alia.. She was left alone... No buddies to play and fight with anymore... When I heard her talking to Ainaa on the phone and ask her to come down to sleep with her, I felt a warm tear drops on my face... May she just doing fine and not get affected so much over this matter... Just don't want her to fall sick...

P.S: This is what happened when you get too attached to kids... I DON'T like this feeling...

Why didn’t he approve my friend request in Facebook??? My heart pounds so fast when I saw his name appear on my feed.. When he approved others’ request… How I wish that I got the same opportunity too… But I know… I am nobody to have the chance… God gracious me… give me the strength to let go this frustration…

I am not gonna stop loving HIM… My sister did ask me last Friday… “Don’t you want to get married?” And my answer was… “I want to.. If the one that is gonna be my husband is HIM” I know this is crazy… Ridiculous and seems like I don’t know who am I… but I am just living my dream… Like it or not.. I am gonna live it… And never stop hoping that the day will come… Even if it’s not in this living world.. I’ll wait for him in heaven… InsyaAllah…

I don't know what else am I supposed to say... Life is a total mess right now... I can't believe I just witnessed the fallacy of my loved one last two hours... OMG... why do I have to face this... When i thought that he could be standing so tall with their win tonight... They screwed up everything... They spoiled all the chances they were right in front their very eyes... World #1 became so tame upon the unseeded, the unknown, the scratch pair that came from nowhere...

I don't wanna blame nobody upon this matter... BUT... I just wanna blame myself... Maybe I didn't pray so hard... Maybe I didn't support them with all my heart... OR.. Maybe I'm just such an unlucky girl.. Who always bring them bad luck... I don't know...

This time I didn't feel like crying... Because I also don't know what am I feeling... All i know is that... MY LIFE IS A TOTAL MESS...

9:45 am...
Dec 2nd 2009...
Stadium Tertutup Johor Bahru...

It was an all-Malaysian-affair...
I hate the fact that Koo Kien Keat and Tan Boon Heong lost to their usual sparring partner Mohd Fairuzizuan Tazari and Mohd Zakry Latif. But what to do... I guess there must be something not right... Maybe they were only taking this match as a warm-up... Hopefully, they'll win the next games... InsyaAllah...

Tomorrow...
Another story will happen...
Another heart will be broken...
Another history will be written...
What about me???

I will always be here...
Waiting for the feeling to unfold...
Reaching to something I couldn't hold...
Living a life that I wish I could control...
What about us???

Us?
Us will always be here...
In the blood that running through my veins...
In the heart that keeps on aching...
Because Us is only inside me...

Us is a dream that live inside so long...
Us is a desire that I never thought wrong...
A hope that will always stay strong...

Tomorrow,
A destiny that I wish had been written...
Will turn to me and say...
Both of you are a match that was made in Heaven...


deeyah
11:26 p.m, December 1st 2009



p/s: this is a work of someone that has gone mad after being attacked by something called B.O.R.E.D.O.M!