Me.My Life.Him.You

Dear followers... I'm moving to a new blog,,,,

2011-11-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

hello my dearest followers...

I'll be moving to the a new blog...
Feel so lazy to update this old one....
SO I guess the new blog will be the one that i will update as much as possible...
Do follow my new blog ya...

missdeeyah.blogspot.com

Suratan Takdir.... Fated....

2010-07-21T19:26:00.001+08:00

Guys and Girls...
I'm back again.. A week after my last post...
I'm here in a room...
A twin sharing room, a mattress and a single door small cupboard por mi...

My school name is SMK Pusat Penyelidikan Pertanian Tun Razak, Jerantut Pahang...
Yes, I am back to my hometown... ok... HOMETOWN... but so not hommy for me...

Well... I guess I gotta get used to this school...
An excellent Principal...
A good school..
An all malay school... from the students, to the teachers, the staffs as well as the canteen workers... (I'm exaggerating... they do have 2 Indian students..)

ALLAH...
I need you... wherever and whenever and whatever I'll be going, and I'll be doing later...
because without you... I am clueless... Helpless and Penniless... ALLAHUAKBAR!!!!

ONE LAST WEEK!!!

2010-07-12T13:27:00.001+08:00

My oh My...
Only one week left...
Hanya seminggu...

DAMN.....

Time flies so fast...
Or.... I'm the one that move so slow???

~The future lies so broad that you don't know what it has in store for you~

REALITY...

1. I'll be called a GSST in a week time...

2. I'll probably have to stay on my own.... (alone or not... I don't know)

3. I'll have to live under the courtesy of my family... (Money, clothing, foods etc.) until I get my first salary which only God knows when..

4. I'll be having new students who are unlikely to be like my past students during my 3 months of practicum...

5. I'll be working officially under new people... I hardly knows anyone of them... I just hope that they are nice people... friendly and helpful... (amen...)

6. I might not be able to contact those who I am so close with now due to the business that we have to deal later on... (but please take note that I love you always...)

7. I will be crying when I eat alone early in the morning during Sahur and in the dusk during Berbuka puasa... (Oh no!! Ramadhan is coming.... I haven't finished replacing my puasa... )

8. I will have to be more efficient in managing my money... Getting my own paycheck I might be able to spend as much money I want w/o much worry about what others would say.. But hey.. Once my money finished... no one gonna gimme money anymore... (uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa T.T)

9. I'm gonna be away really away from ♡♥♡ Bubeau ♡♥♡ .... He'll be living on his own too... Earning his money... Forgetting me... (sob... sob.... T.T)

10. I might becoming a new person... Physically and Mentally.... InsyaAllah...

So peeps... All the best to all of us... in life, in work and in ♡♥♡....

Bad Hair Day... Hair Cut la....

2010-07-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

Oh My God....
I guess I should never touch my hair again after this..
I'm so in rage...
I just don't know what should I do to make my hair longer again...
I don't wanna call the Nyonya at the Salon S***** or anything equivalent to that...
But I think she must have been so busy taking care of her crying baby that she become so senseless....
I am so shameful to look at my face without my 'tudung' on...
Erghhhh.....

This is my chopped hair.. Imagined how short my hair after that... OMGaga...

~Dream oh Dream~

2010-07-05T12:37:00.000+08:00

Mari mentafsir mimpi.....
lol... hahaha....
my post in BAHASA??? (can la...)

Jadi Cinderella la pulak... ♥ ♥ ♥

these two weeks... I selalu mimpikan this ♥ of mine...
nak kata I ingat rindukan dia sangat tu takde la pulak kn... but he keeps coming into my dreams...
Orang kata... kalau kita selalu dreamt of that somebody... it could be because of kita yang teringatkan dia... OR... that somebody yang maybe tengah rindukan kita... hahaha ♥ ♥ ♥ lah hati I dengar ni...
Malam tadi I mimpikan dia lagi.. haih... parah la camni... betul ke I sayang kat dia ni???
I also don't have the answer.... for the time being ye la kot... but in future??? when both of us are away of each other... will I still be missing him macam sekarang ni??? Only God have the answer....

♥ ♥ ♥ Meet Me Halfway Pls... My BuBeau♥ ♥ ♥

2010-07-04T14:44:00.001+08:00

I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you
i spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
and all those things we use to use to use to do
hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up

meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
across the universe i go to other galexies
just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
i navigate myself myself to take me where you be
cause girl i want, i, i, i want you right now
i travel uptown (town) i travel downtown
i wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
i love you alway..way

can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish

let's walk the bridge, to the other side
just you and I (just you and I)
i will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
i will try, until i die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
for for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
can you meet me half way (yup yup)
meet me half way, right at the boarderline
that's where i'm gonna wait, for you
i'll be lookin out, night n'day
took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
i can't go any further then this
i want you so bad it's my only wish
i can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Posting oh Posting.....

2010-07-03T15:01:00.002+08:00

Saturday
July 3rd, 2010.

Posting oh posting...
Where are you???

Posting oh posting...
What should I do???

Posting oh posting...
People are going crazy because of you...

Posting oh posting...
When will we get to see you???

Posting oh posting...
You are just too good to true....

Hope that this issue will certainly be certain in these few days...
I just couldn't take this matter anymore...
Cause many of us are already going

CRAAAAZZZZYYYYYYYYY!!!

♥ ♥ ♥ He's Back ♥ ♥ ♥

2010-07-03T12:03:00.000+08:00

Saturday
July 3rd, 2010.

Love is back to me....
All of sudden....
After so long I've been waiting...
His name suddenly appear on my cell phone screen...
Hearing his voice throws away all the suspicions that he doesn't need me anymore...
I know that there are still sunshine for both of us at the end of the day....
Still a long way to go...
For now.. I am happy for this relationship...
You may not know how much I love you...
But all you need to know is that I care a lot about you....

Missing you my ♥ly BuBeau...

100 Things To Do When You're Upset....

2010-07-02T17:55:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA...
I Just found out these whole stocks of things to do...
Kinda interesting...
Just wanna share with those that might be in sorrow... (am I mocking myself???)
lol....

Anyway... check this cool link...

100 Things To Do When You're Upset

What's Next...

2010-07-02T12:37:00.001+08:00

Friday
July 2nd, 2010.

It has been two weeks now...
I had finally left the 'student' title behind me...

How do I feel???

1. HAPPY - for now I am exactly got the total freedom from assignments, study, and having to follow rules set by those people.... hehehe..

2. EXCITED - I can't wait to see what's in store for my future... I can't wait to start getting my own money.. my own salary... yeah... SALARY people... not allowance anymore... (this is when you can spend your money without being monitored by others... lol :p)

3. SAD - I don't know what my life would be without my life-mates for 6 years.... Everybody is taking their own ways now... Don't know when are we going to see eachother again... CONVOCATION??? maybe... huhu~ (but that still a long way to go.... )

4. INDECISIVE - this is the hardest part that I hate the most... I hate to have this feeling... I hate to be indecisive in life.... I have reach to the point when I can't make up my mind.. to stay or to go... To hold on or to let go... To throw away or to keep it deep inside.... and it's about this love I had...

WELL.....

We never know what is in store for us next... all we can do is just pray hard that things will go as we wish...
Nobody's gonna paint our future if we don't do it ourselves... Get your life... Live it well... Grateful that you are still blessed to have your greatest treasure by yourside today... (Whoever or whatever it may be..)

Lotsa love...
Deeyah...

Life isn't A Bed of Roses

2010-06-01T15:07:00.000+08:00

Life is something meant to be cherished not to be mourned about...
It is true to a certain extent. However there are still many things that make people think life isn't a bed of roses.
Whenever we think that we have all the good things in the world to make us happy there will be some hindrances that come our way. It will make us think that we are just too unlucky to have what others have... and this is always related to something that we called L.O.V.E!!!!

Many people always regard love as something that keep themselves alive. Something that lead them to wonderland. Something that take them away from misery and troubles. People are ready to drown in a ship called L.O.V.E. They are willing to sacrifice everything just to keep the hope of living together alive and they are also willing to give up any other things as long as they can keep the person they love happy. That's what L.O.V.E means to human. This makes them think that Life is bed of roses when they get whatever they want and be loved by the person they love.

L.O.V.E and ME is never in a good term... I have people that I used to love, that I still love and I will forever love. But I just find it hard to get it expressed. Not that I did not try.. Just that I choose not to express it. For I know that L.O.V.E isn't something that I should trust. Therefore, I had rather keep it for myself. I will never want it to be exposed to the person that I loved and love. And a few days ago, again, I was hurt by someone that I almost called as lover. People know my feeling for him, and I guess he can feel it too. But he was just too dumb to realize what I feel for him.. But I don't wanna blame him for that... He has no reason to like me either... I know that damn well!

HOWEVER....
to those who are reading this post... Feel free to express your feeling... Don't let your love die alive in you just like mine. Tell the person you love what you feel for them... And LIVE your L.O.V.E till the day you breathe your last breath... Muchas SUERTE!

When I am ready.... Or will I never be ready???

2010-02-18T16:35:00.001+08:00

Sometimes....

I would just sit and stare....

Looking at the mirror, looking at the shadow, looking at the pictures....

I feel like there are something that missing....

Today.....

The things that I had once thought had gone missing, is nearly gone....

I do not know why... Neither do I wanna know the reason...

For the reason will only HURT me.....

Yesterday.....

I've announced to the world that I was so happy to have HIM by my side....

I've made public what I feel for HIM...

But no one ever knows how HURT I am deep inside....

Today.....

I cry on the inside....

I realize that all that I did yesterday was just a dream...

A dreamland that has the life of a candle...

Once it is blown by the wind... there it goes... DEAD!!!!

Tomorrow....

Maybe I should just walk away...

I should learn to live without the shadow...

Without YOUR shadow...

Without NO ONE shadow.....

BUT.....

I just don't want to......

Holiday Time...

2010-02-14T17:34:00.002+08:00

Today marks the third day of my holiday at home....
So happy that I've finally able to smell the scent of home again....
Many others would say that life isn't that cool and fun at home... but this is a total opposite for me....

I LOVE BEING AT HOME!!!!

So what..... hahahaha....
What so fun and cool to stay at home???

1. You can sleep as early as you want and also you can have a sleepless night that you desire course no class is waiting for you in the morning....

2. You may also wake up anytime you want.....

3. There is no need for you to do your laundry.... as you have others to wash your clothes.... all you need to do is just spare some time to hang them out... hehehe

4. You don't have to worry about your breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner, supper... all is PREPARED for you... hehe... Move your lazy butt to the kitchen and your meal is there under the 'tudung saji' for you... muahaha....

5. One most exciting thing to do at home is that... you can spend all others' money on anything you want... worry not.... no body gonna bother to use your money... but you can be the blood sucker at home...

These are 5 things that I really cherish while I'm at home... but I forgot to mention one thing... I feel safe and love to be around my FAMILY because they are the greatest gift of all I have ever had.... ♥ ♥ ♥

p/s: I don't wanna go back.... but I mish my baby.... my Silly Ladybird... how is he???

Tiada Kata Berpisah

2010-01-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

Cinta kini kau pergi
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Begitu cepatnya dia berlalu
Meninggalkan semua
Hanya untuknya

Tiada kata berpisah
Bila harus berakhir segalanya
Untuk kita dan untuk masa bahagia bersamamu

Katakan padanya
Selamanya dialah kekasihku
Yakinkan untukmu
Dia milikku sampai kapan jua
Hanya untuknya

Cinta kini kau pergi
Sebelum dia mencintai aku
Hanya untuknya

~I Started A Joke~

2010-01-27T16:56:00.001+08:00

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying.
But I didn't see.
That the joke was on me, oh no.
I started to cry,
which started the whole world laughing.
Oh if I'd only seen,
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies, running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh, if I'd only seen
that the joke was on me.
I look at the skies running my hands over my eyes,
and I fell out of bed hurting my head from things that I said.
Til I finally died.
Which started the whole world living.
Oh if I'd only seen, that the joke was on me,
Oh no, that the joke was on me.

It's the fourth week of the LAST SEMESTER of my 'Degreehood'....

2010-01-27T00:01:00.000+08:00

This week... It marks the fourth week of this very short lecture hours semester... Two more weeks were will be officially doomed to another phase of becoming an English Teacher... *sigh*

So soon....
I thought that yesterday was just the 1st day I came here... to this very same Maktab... (Correction... It ain't a maktab anymore.... IPGM KTI). And now... After 6 years of being a teacher trainee in Maktab and also UPM... I dare not to boast that I am so ready to be called as TEACHER yet...

Having to think of the school that we are going for practicum really drives me to a state where I can declare as 'nearly insane'. This is not to underestimate the school.. but sometimes, I just wonder why didn't they just send us to a closer school to our beloved Maktab? but yeah, yeah... I would just shut my mouth up... no point of arguing or being sad upon this matter... Just chill Deeyah...

Next week....

Assignment dues....
Micro-teaching will commence.....
Unit Plan that gonna crack our mind need to be completed....
Hell yeah... so many things need to be done in this very short limited time span of the semester....
But again.... Say not a complaint....
I have chosen to be in this profession...
Gotta 'REDHA' with everything that will come before me...

I am grateful.... despite all the hardship to complete this short semester of lecture...
the friendship we have are getting stronger... I DON'T DARE to imagine how life would be after we start the practicum session...
I know that they of course life wouldn't be the same anymore...
But I just wish that................................ our F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P will always remain the same...

P/S: when I think that I have nothing to write, actually there so many things to be vomited here... till then...

Adios 2009... Bienvenido 2010...

2010-01-01T12:18:00.001+08:00

2009....
Many things had taken place in my life...
Many experiences had matured me...
Many incidents had finally opened up my mind.... About human, about life, about friendship, about love...
But hey.. what happened in 2009 let them remain there... buried deep inside the passing year...
I dare not to look back.. Dare not to think how many of my wishes had I achieved in 2009...
For me...Live must go on... Whether it's 2009, 2010, or 2011...

2010....
This is the year that I've long waited.. haha (am I???)
Hell yeah... This year... It's going to be the last year of my six-year course... or to be precised..
I am gonna graduate after the first half of the year...
Then... Wanna know why I have long waited for this year???
I can't wait to go out to work.. To be officially called as 'Teacher' by my students...
BUT!!!!!
I am not ready yet to live in this second decade of the Millennium...
Am I already 24-year-old this year???? DAMN!!!!

May everyone live happily and blissfully this 2010

List of Poetry that awaits this 2010 ...

2009-12-30T12:10:00.009+08:00

To See The World In a Grain of Sand by William Blake.
Pied Beauty by Gerard Manley Hopkins
God Grandeur by Gerard Manley Hopkins.
Dulce et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen
The Soldier by Rupert Brooke
Blackberry Eating by Galway Kinnell’s
Resume by Dorothy Parker
The Unknown Citizen by W.H. Auden
The Passionate Shepherd to His Love by Christopher Marlowe
Ode To The West Wind by Percy Bysshe Shelley
Birches by Robert Frost
Stopping By The Wood On a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost
Mending Wall by Robert Frost
Design by Robert Frost
I Heard a Fly buzz when - I died by Emily Dickinson
Success is counted sweetest by Emily Dickinson
Because I could not stop for Death - by Emily Dickinson
The Soul selects her own society - by Emily Dickinson
The Waking by Theodore Roethke
The Man He Killed by Thomas Hardy
Ballard of Birmingham by Dudley Randall
Morning Song by Sylvia Plath
Porphyria’s Lover by Robert Browning
My Last Duchess by Robert Browning
La Belle Dame San Merci – A Ballad by John Keats
Ode to a Grecian Urn by John Keats
Ode To Autumn by John Keats
Bright Star by John Keats
Bonny Barbara Allan by Anonymous
That Time of Year Thou Mayst In Me Behold by William Shakespeare
My Mistress’s Eyes Are Nothing Like the Sun by William Shakespeare

P/S: How to EAT these poems???? OMG I stumbled the moment I saw the numbers....

Sometimes Love Isn't Everything....

2009-12-23T21:54:00.005+08:00

Someone once told me

That you have to choose

What you win or lose

You cant have everything

Don't you take chances

You might feel the pain

Don't you love in vain

Cause love won't set you free

I could stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

So unhappy but safe as could be

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about other pain infront of me

Cause im just tryna be happy, yea

Just wanna be happy, yea

Holding on tightly

Just cant let it go

Just tryna play my role

Slowly diasappear, oooh

Well all these tears

They feel like they're the same

Just different faces, different names

Get me outta here

Well I can stand by the side

And watch this life pass me by

Pass me by

So any turns that i cant see

I'll count a stranger on this road

But don’t say victim

Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me

So what if I break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don't care about all the pain infront of me

Cause I'm just tryna be happy

Just wanna be happy

Living alone can make us happy too

Happy

Leona Lewis

Da Diary of a Diva Nanny...

2009-12-20T22:46:00.005+08:00

NANNY? Maybe not so suitable la with me...
haha... Nanny doesn't wake up after all the kids woke up k...
But yeah... The works started by the time I woke up.. Gotta fold all the mattresses, comforters, tidy up the bed... All that a nanny a.k.a a maid would do lah... But hey.. I didn't grumble on this chores k... :-)

Then...
Shower times... Lucky that I only have to prepare two kids... Alia and Ashyraf coz Ainaa and Aimaan can take bath on their own... After I have groomed them... It's the time to fill up their tank... This was the easiest part... Put all the food in front of them and they'll eat quietly.. no worries... :-)

After that...
The part that I hate the most... To supervise them playing... Arghhh.... I am not yet ready to be a mother yet I supposed.... to hear them screaming and fighting over one stupid toys really pissed me off... They can't even play quietly... There are times that they seemed so close and click with each other... But it last very soon.. The moment I stepped away.. they started to pinch each other face, push the other one down.. Oh yeah, this happened to those 2-year-old Alia and 3-year-old Ashyraf...

But there are times when they can stay quietly... It was when they were watching TV together... ahaha... This time, I can go and fill up my own tank... hehe...

In the afternoon, after my Zohor prayer -I escape from giving them lunch... haha... My Aunt had taken care of it- gotta help Ainaa and Aimaan with they exercises... Maths, Science, English... I hentam semua.. hahaha... Another problem arised... The other two budak kecik will starts crying out for their own books and pencil... OMG... Lucky I have my Aunt.. that helped me 'taming them down'... muahahahhaha....

In the evening.. Once again... Gotta take those two kids to the shower... groomed them for their pyjamas... then... I go off for my Maghrib and Isya' while my Aunt feed them for dinner... It was almost 9.30 o'clock that I need to prepare their sleeping mattresses again... When they slept... I finally thought that I have two more serial drama to watch... hehe... It was an Indonesian sinetron and a Filipino telenovela..

1 a.m. = The Nanny had gone somewhere else... to the lala land... (dreaming about HIM)

This routines happened for 2 weeks... And today... Ainaa, Aimaan and Ashyraf went back to their house in Kapar, Klang... Pity my niece Alia.. She was left alone... No buddies to play and fight with anymore... When I heard her talking to Ainaa on the phone and ask her to come down to sleep with her, I felt a warm tear drops on my face... May she just doing fine and not get affected so much over this matter... Just don't want her to fall sick...

Taking them to bath outside the haus...

P.S: This is what happened when you get too attached to kids... I DON'T like this feeling...

Is it wrong to live a Dream???

2009-12-20T14:00:00.001+08:00

Why didn’t he approve my friend request in Facebook??? My heart pounds so fast when I saw his name appear on my feed.. When he approved others’ request… How I wish that I got the same opportunity too… But I know… I am nobody to have the chance… God gracious me… give me the strength to let go this frustration…

I am not gonna stop loving HIM… My sister did ask me last Friday… “Don’t you want to get married?” And my answer was… “I want to.. If the one that is gonna be my husband is HIM” I know this is crazy… Ridiculous and seems like I don’t know who am I… but I am just living my dream… Like it or not.. I am gonna live it… And never stop hoping that the day will come… Even if it’s not in this living world.. I’ll wait for him in heaven… InsyaAllah…

Life at the suckest point...

2009-12-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

I don't know what else am I supposed to say... Life is a total mess right now... I can't believe I just witnessed the fallacy of my loved one last two hours... OMG... why do I have to face this... When i thought that he could be standing so tall with their win tonight... They screwed up everything... They spoiled all the chances they were right in front their very eyes... World #1 became so tame upon the unseeded, the unknown, the scratch pair that came from nowhere...

I don't wanna blame nobody upon this matter... BUT... I just wanna blame myself... Maybe I didn't pray so hard... Maybe I didn't support them with all my heart... OR.. Maybe I'm just such an unlucky girl.. Who always bring them bad luck... I don't know...

This time I didn't feel like crying... Because I also don't know what am I feeling... All i know is that... MY LIFE IS A TOTAL MESS...

1st Game of BWF Super Series Final...

2009-12-02T10:35:00.003+08:00

9:45 am...
Dec 2nd 2009...
Stadium Tertutup Johor Bahru...

It was an all-Malaysian-affair...
I hate the fact that Koo Kien Keat and Tan Boon Heong lost to their usual sparring partner Mohd Fairuzizuan Tazari and Mohd Zakry Latif. But what to do... I guess there must be something not right... Maybe they were only taking this match as a warm-up... Hopefully, they'll win the next games... InsyaAllah...

What about us???

2009-12-01T23:04:00.005+08:00

Tomorrow...
Another story will happen...
Another heart will be broken...
Another history will be written...
What about me???

I will always be here...
Waiting for the feeling to unfold...
Reaching to something I couldn't hold...
Living a life that I wish I could control...
What about us???

Us?
Us will always be here...
In the blood that running through my veins...
In the heart that keeps on aching...
Because Us is only inside me...

Us is a dream that live inside so long...
Us is a desire that I never thought wrong...
A hope that will always stay strong...

Tomorrow,
A destiny that I wish had been written...
Will turn to me and say...
Both of you are a match that was made in Heaven...

deeyah
11:26 p.m, December 1st 2009

p/s: this is a work of someone that has gone mad after being attacked by something called B.O.R.E.D.O.M!

My 31st post.... And It's a POEM...

2009-11-29T17:52:00.004+08:00

You

What could I do to make You see?

What should I do to make You hear?

What must I do to make You feel?

What would it take to make You know?

I refuse to see the sun,

For I always thought that You are brighter…

I refuse to feel the wind,

For I always thought that You are breezier…

I refuse to hear the song of the sea,

Because You are the melody in me, my dear!

Now somebody please tell me…

What could I do to make You see?

What should I do to make You hear?

What must I do to make You feel?

What would it take to make You know?

Deeyah

9.22p.m : 28.11.09

A Step Into Another Phase of Adulthood...

2009-11-28T18:21:00.003+08:00

Today...
Saturday... November 28th 2009...
A bright sunny day...

A day that had long been waited by one of my childhood, schoolmate and gossip-mate, SITI ZARIENA BT. AZIZ...
Today is her engagement day...
Congratulation to her...
After almost 6 months of being quiet about each other's life, she broke the silence last week by telling me that she will be engaged today...

At first,
I thought of not going... Maybe because I have no company to go...
But after making a promise with her and my other friend, I decided to go...
Although we arrived right after the groom side left, but hey.. I managed to be there too what...

She seemed to be glowingly happy today...
I am happy for her too...
BUT....

There's another thing that came across my mind..
Are we ready enough to step into the next phase of our lives?
I mean...
How many of us really know when to settle down?
She is lucky that she knows, this is the time...
But what about other people? Are they ready too?

God knows the answer...
All in all...
I am happy that I am still free to do and live my life the way I want it...

To Lina,
I love u babe... Hope you have made the right decision... I pray only the best for you...

10 THINGS I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO BEFORE NEXT YEAR MAKING ITS WAY INTO MY LIFE!!!

2009-11-26T23:50:00.004+08:00

1. I MUST be able to put myself first in all situation

2. I MUST be able to control my food consumption... Bukan sebab nk kurus okay.. but it is necessary to make sure that I remain healthy...

3. I MUST be able to stop thinking about HIM - That bus driver laa... who else... Damn!!! so hard....

4. I MUST be able to stop thinking about another HIM too... He was OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER, OVER.....

5. I MUST be able to make sure that the numero uno HIM bags the USD50,000 next month... How I gonna do it? I don't know too... hahaha... lol

6. I MUST be able to get rid of all unnecessary feeling about my Silly Ladybird... He's just a friend... someone I'd love to flirt around with...

7. I MUST be able to control my emotion when I didn't get the things I want... I'm gonna turn 24 next year... gotta be a little mature la...

8. I MUST be able to stop blaming myself when things don't go my way... It ain't me that is guilty all the time...

9. I MUST be able to stop doing things for the sake of others... that sucks u know.... arghhh!!!!

10. I MUST be able to complete sewing all the beads... haha... Gonna wear the Kurung during the TESL dinner... but I haven't confirm I'll be going or not...

HOPEFULLY..... When the date turns 01.01.2010 DEEYAH will be somebody new in a good way... Amen...

BROKEN HEARTED GIRL by Beyonce Knowles...

2009-11-12T18:33:00.000+08:00

You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?

You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains me to say
I know I’ll be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No...No
No broken-hearted girl
I’m no broken-hearted girl

Something that I feel I need to say
But up to now I’ve always been afraid
That you would never come around
And still I want to put this out
You say you’ve got the most respect for me
But sometimes I feel you’re not deserving me
And still you’re in my heart
But you’re the only one and yes
There are times when I hate you
But I don’t complain
Cause I’ve been afraid that you would've walk away
Oh but now I don’t hate you
I’m happy to say
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don’t wanna be without you babe
I don’t want a broken heart
Don’t wanna take a breath with out you babe
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way no no
I don’t want a broken heart
And I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl...No…No
No broken-hearted girl

Now I’m at a place I thought I’d never be…Oooo
I’m living in a world that’s all about you and me…yeah
Ain't gotta be afraid my broken heart is free
To spread my wings and fly away
Away With you
yeah yeah yeah, ohh ohh ohh

I don’t wanna be without my baby
I don’t wanna a broken heart
Don’t want to take a breath with out my baby
I don’t wanna play that part
I know that I love you
But let me just say
I don’t want to love you in no kind of way..No..No
I don’t want a broken heart
I don’t wanna play the broken-hearted girl..No..No..
No broken-hearted girl
Broken-hearted girl No…no…
No broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

Will time heal the pain???? sigh

2009-11-09T13:03:00.002+08:00

I think I have taken a really long rest from blogging. Indeed I miss to write again… But since there were so many things that have taken place in my life during my absenteeism of this blogging world… To write it down, surely it will cost me several nights to finish writing… So, I chose not to write about them. But only one thing that I really wanna share… I have a friend that miraculously called himself a best friend of mine… but he never stood up for me. That was a pity. He hate people to talk bad things about both of us, but yet, he never told them the truth. And then, he simply chose to walk away from me. He acted as if I am the guiltiest human on earth for doing him injustice. And yes… There is another thing that really turned me off… He believed in what other said about me. He believed it when people told him that I love him, that I like him. OH MY GOD!!! Is he blind??? Can’t he see who I really interested in? And he should’ve known that the one I love… The HIMs that I always talk about in this blog aren’t him at all… Why the hell in the world would I want to love him? Did he forget that we had made a pact that we will always remain as best friends no matter what happened? To one extend, I think it is better that we stop being friend to each other, for he is so afraid to be seen sitting next to me, talking to me freely and also to be known as my friend. Then, what’s the use of calling me best friend in the first place? Now, I could say that I can learn to treat him as friend again… But, I should let you know that, me myself, wouldn’t know how to act or I should say, to pretend like there was nothing happened and treat him the way I used to treat him before… A wound will always leave a scar though by that time we can’t feel the pain anymore…..

Whatta RAYA....

2009-09-24T23:52:00.002+08:00

EID MUBARAK everyone...

Supposed this day everyone would be very happy...

YES... ME??? I am happy that this is our winning day after a month of fasting...

BUT.... ME also feeling kinda sad that my eldest sis cannot celebrate raya with us this year...
not that she decided to celebrate it with her 'new' family, her in-laws... BUT... her husband was admitted to Hospital Kangar a night before raya... huhu~ and until today... she's still in Kangar... She couldn't taste the good taste of Lemang and Rendang... or eat the kuih raya that she ordered for so many boxes... And what make me even sad is that... I hardly even get a chance to apologize for all my wrongdoings... I know that she will always forgive me but come to think of it... I feel so sad for her... this should be her first raya as a wife, she should be happily celebrating Aidilfitri with her husband but she has to accompany him in the hospital... so big the trial that she has to face...

Enough with the sad part... Ya ya.. I am happy that this year.... I collect so many duit raya... Hopefully it can cover my expenditures for another month in that so-unwanted-to-be-described place... huhu~

And today...
I just came back from a roadtrip to Kuala Terangganu... Me, my second sis, my niece and my mom... We went there yesterday afternoon... Though at first, our trip supposed to be a trip to Port Dickson.. But due to some technical problem, we shifted our journey.. instead of going to the polluted sea of the west coast, we chose to please our eyes with the blue ocean of the lil' polluted and still clean ocean of the east coast... hehe :p...
Talking about the sea.... WE DIDN'T GO TO ANY BEACH AFTER ALL... just as what I mentioned above, we only pleased our eyes... All we do is go beraya and filled our stomach of multiple+variety of cuisines and dishes and juices... ?(thinking of it makes me go dizzy)

and today... i am super duper exhausted... don't know where the cars came from... our journey home took more than 7 hours... plus, i mistakenly told my sister to take the wrong exit from the highway that add up the minutes... arghh.... BUT before that... I was so pissed off with a group of rude young boys that didn't know how to Q and respect other people... I was lining up to place my order, and before me was another lady... and when I arrived this group of boys are already there, but they were just mingling at the counter and discussed of what to order and how much does it cost... I didn't mind about that, but what drove me mad was, right after the lady before me received her orders, they cross my line and place their order for more than five minutes and flirt with the cashier at the same time... I was speechless that I afraid I might spit at their faces at the moment... Thank ALLAH I was still calm and controlled then... I hope that I will never face these type of people again... I am afraid that I might not be so calm if that moment comes...

As what I stated in my status in Facebook... what disappointed me the most is that, someone broke his promise to me... I know, I shouldn't have trusted him in the 1st place... cuz, this is what happened when you think so much of that person and his sweet talk... arghhh.... WHATEVER.... I don't wanna think about this anymore right now.. Let it be, what it wanna be...

AND I AM UNHAPPY TOO BECAUSE AT THIS RAYA TIME, HE LOST AGAIN!!! What had happened??? ONLY GOD HAVE THE ANSWERS....

Ramadhan is saying goodbye... and Syawal is making its way....

2009-09-18T22:14:00.002+08:00

It's almost the end of Ramadhan... Tomorrow is the last day all of Muslims will be fasting for this year.... And after that is hari raya... I am so sad that this is the time for Ramadhan to leave... I am so sad that there was not much terawih that I can complete this year due to the terrible workloads and also tests.... Hopefully, I am still blessed with good health and long life to be able to complete next year Ramadhan with more good deeds and terawih... I want to wish all my Muslims friends, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin... I know I had done many wrongdoings to people.. forgive me... I wish that all of us can start anew... and to all my non-Muslims friends, happy holiday... see you guys after 9 days... XOXO...

Living at a place where my heart is at somewhere else....

2009-09-05T08:47:00.002+08:00

SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER 5th, 2009...
15 Ramadhan 1430 H

1. I am alone in my room...

2. Just finished my washing...

3. My roommate isn't around...

4. All my other friends are sleeping...

BUT ME??? What am I to do???

These are all the things that bothering my mind now... and yes there is one more thing that i forgot to write...

5. I am missing HIM, HIM and HIM...

huhu~ so many HIM to be missed... But what to do... I'm missing all of them...

6. I miss my family too...

Yesterday my dad gave me a call and asked me whether I'm going back or not... I said NO... because there was no ticket to go back... He should know that I really want to go back... I really do... Now, I can feel that I don't have my heart with me... IT was everywhere... I gave them to my family, to HIM, HIM and HIM... I think I kind of made a mistake by giving away all my heart to them... I should save some part of it with me for me to be strong when I am away from them... Arghhhhh!!!

But I got to be strong... There is not many days left anymore for me to go back home once again... It's raya time... Now I start wondering whether all my baju raya are ready... hurmmm... Gotta give my mum a call later on... Can't wait to go back....
But here... THOUGH MY HEART ISN'T HERE WITH ME... But I have to prepare so many things... and works of course...

1. PBL assignment... still have no idea what to do... Ewan... Please lar give me
some idea...

2. 2 @ 3 TEST... Methodology, Methods and Materials... ARGHHH... and I haven't started any reading... lol....

3. PUBLIC SPEAKING??? DAMN!!! I don't have a topic yet for my persuasive speech...

S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S.... S.O.S

I NEED HELP... I NEED MY HEART BACK... I HAVE TO COMPLETE ALL THE WORKS AND TESTS FIRST...

Hope that the world will move faster... I REALLY CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME AGAIN...

And yes... I hope that it will be soon that it will be soon that I can meet him again... hehe :p

Till next time... XOXO...

My 1st blog after coming back to the so called the best IPG on Earth….

2009-08-22T16:55:00.006+08:00

It had been a while since I last posted an entry in my blog. Not that I don’t have anything to share, anything to write… Just that there had been too many things that happened and I just don’t know what should I blog about.

First and foremost… when I was first back in IPTB (now known as IPGKDB), I was so pissed off that they put 17 of us together in a warden house. But this is also not due to any prior notice. They have taken full month rent for a room of two from us but they made us squeeze like sardines where we had no table to study, no rack to put our books, not even a proper space to perform our prayers. But then when we had made ourselves comfortable with the situation that was far from normal IPGKTI’s students comfort, (some of my friends had even bought fans, racks, tables) they forced us to leave the house and move into a new block. This had really driven me mad. And I was pretty sure that others were feeling the same too. What make me more furious was that, they said “kamu akan dipindahkan tanpa sebarang alasan!”(H.E.B, 2009) What did they think about this? Have they even had small space in their heart that sympathize with their students??? And yet, now it had been almost a month that we stay in the new hostel. Yeah, this place is way much better than house that we have our personal space, only that we I come to think of what they did to us when we first back here I couldn’t help but to CURSE…

Classroom??? We are using our old class where we can still see the stain left by the extra strong glue to stick the motto our class four years back which is ‘NOTHING LESS’. Speaking of nothing less, I think, we should now yearn for EVERYTHING from that nothing less momma. There are too many differences that I think I couldn’t accept just yet. She has to change. She has to make us stop cursing her everyday we see her. I didn’t feel any good either to come to class and say bad things about lecturers but just that if the lecturer seems to force us to say bad things about he or she, I believe that no one is able to get away with it… right??? This semester has also come to it’s half way. And to be honest, I am yet to adjust myself to this everyday-group-discussion syndrome. Huhu~

Friendship??? I am happy that we are getting closer everyday. My 7 gorgeous girls and also another 24 beautiful ladies in my batch, not to mention one that I really outcast already, we are UNITED as one. We went to a paintball game with the whole batch although there are some of us who couldn’t make it but the experience was just too cool.. à I didn’t play but I went to stalk and pretended as a pro-photographer. But then, what I think I have long to do and I able to do it was, I able to talk to my friend, a friend that hardly knows what we feel for her, all the things that triggered in my mind. I told her everything that I think I should’ve told her two years ago.. But Thank god, Alhamdulillah, she was now okay and able to accept herself the way she had forgotten when she was with that creature. We were all so proud of you my dear friend. And yes, I believe that our friendships bond will become stronger and tighter from then.

The Gorgeous Girls??? We are fun as usual… We are crazy as before… and we are as gorgeous as before… Hahahaha… Sekali sekala perasan, it’s okay kan????

HIM???? He lost in the tournament where he and his partner was the most eligible pair in the world to win it. But this time around I was proud that I did not lose my sanity. What I meant was, I still able to eat properly, and laugh and work and study as usual not like what happened to me two years back when he lost in Kuala Lumpur. And I am looking forward for his next tournament. I just hope that he could be more dedicated and high spirit to win all the titles. I will always support him though he might not know about it.

HIM No.2??? I am stronger now. Though the last goodbye that I thought should take its way has already taken place, but I has not just yet. The relationship is still on. Just that I don’t want to cling onto him anymore. I’ve had enough of crying and restless night thinking about what he’s been doing, what will tomorrow bring for both of us. I am now more freed to choose on whoever I would like to be with. Whoever guys that I want to hang out with. He’s no longer that special to me. Although he is still there in a very special corner in my heart, but he should just remain there silently and let me move on with my life my way…

MYSELF???? I am forever ME. I am still STRONG, BIG girl, FAT and HEALTHY. So what if I am fat??? I didn’t ask for anyone’s money to buy me food, nor that do I want to be FAT. This is what ALLAH had written for me. I will live the way my destiny was written. I will live healthily and live in my own WAY… I appreciate comments that people give on my physical and it has not hurt me at all because I am happy with myself now. I will continue on living proud and stand tall with MYSELF… VIVA DEEYAH PARA SIEMPRE… Till next time…

Our last GOODBYE....

2009-07-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

Today....
Everything has come to an END...
And... now I really believe that I SHOULD learn to live without HIM...
It's over.. He moved on.. And I need to MOVE ON too...

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done
And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do....

No Surprise....

2009-06-21T14:09:00.002+08:00

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no,
As no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

Chorus
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
(stayed till today)
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

This is indeed a new single released by Daughtry... and it really leaves a deepest scar in my heart...
I don't understand why I keep hurting myself.. as if I really enjoy to be hurt.. arghhh... That's just so typical of me.. I thought i have learned my lesson.. But I don't know for how long would i be 'educated' with this lesson.. I feel like i was so lucky to be blessed with some or I should say one caring people by my side.. that wants to accompany me until two o'clock in the morning just to make sure that I am doing well... But.. I don't realize that it was just some sort of mirage that keeps on lying to me.. That keeps on giving me false hope. I hate to dream.. I hate to dream about having him by myside all the time. Maybe I should start learning to live on my own. Live without concerning whether he has eaten, whether he sleeps well, whether he remember me... So much so, I should learn not to believe in all he said... "Don't get in contact with you doesn't me i don't remember you.." Holy S**t... all that was a crap that he likes to say... Arghhh... I cursed the day I met him.. I know.. I should be okay... LIVE MY LIFE COOL....

Twisted Fate... Hate it to the MAX!!!!

2009-06-11T23:01:00.004+08:00

ZUMA: I finally succeed in my mission to accomplish all the stages in this game...

BADMINTON: I cried so loud that my Zulkarnain screwed up his game and ended his campaign in Singapore Open... S***!!!!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND why i always come into this situation. I was so happy just a few moments before and then when i was about to share the happiness with some other people... The unwanted SADNESS and DESTROYING moment comes to me... I really feel like cursing myself for all these stupid things.

Takkanlah sebab aku wish best of luck malam tadi... All these become a CURSE to him? Arghhhh.....
So hard for me to accept this fact..

Deeyah And The Wedding vol. 2

2009-06-08T18:37:00.008+08:00

Tired...
Exhausted...
Extremely weak...

These are the outcomes of my sisters' wedding... The 'kepenatan' has really taken its toll on me in these two weeks... DAMN!!! However that 'damn' was not for the wedding... Don't take me wrong okay.... It is absolutely for all my sweats and body-ache... huhuhu~

I think... this was the only time i worked real hard for a kenduri... It's not that i didn't do anything in any other kenduri before... Only that, before this, there were two other sisters that helped.. BUT.......... As this is their wedding... i gotta sacrifice a bit lar... Nevermind lah....

Then the next day... we made a trip to Padang Piol for my third sister majlis bertandang... huh... Under the hot-burning-angry sun... we have to make a journey that took almost one and a half hour... duhh.... then me, fanna and jawe went back with kak yati, my second sister... Had a bowl of untasty cendol on our way back... and wanna know what make the cendol even untastier??? Its the shop owner.... How could he nagged on his niece in front of his costumer??? Putus selera aku... huh!!... we made way home... then the next day i sent fana and jawe home at benta... when i am home... i am actually half dead because the road was so 'memabukkan'... huhu~

Four days later.... We made another 'hantar menantu' trip. But this time... a little far... let me correct this... A thousand miles far than the trip to padang piol... huhu~ We stop at my sister's house in Ipoh (again??? hahhaa... actually this is my own hantar menantu trip...) before continue our journey to Kodiang, Kedah... But i just don't know how to control my sleepiness.... I slept until everyone had finished taking their bath... huhu~... And i was the last that take the shower and had the least breakfast -->minum air milo sejuk jer... <-- this was so pity tau... somemore we were to make another four hour journey to Kodiang... huhu~ Actually there is another three pack of nasi lemak... But they were all brought into the van. I quickly went and get one pack for me... hungry tau.... huhuhu~... Then we started the roadtrip.... We passed the whole north part of Perak, some part of Penang and then... We reach Kedah... Finally... I stepped my foot on the Negeri Jelapang Padi... They was so green... real green.... I fell in love with the scenery as soon as i saw them... Lucky those people in Kedah... they don't have to go far to find a suitable place to strike a pose... hahahhahahahahahahaha........ (photoshoot come across my mind notthing else.... ) We reached Padang Sera to stop by my brother in law aunt's house before we proceed to the kenduri around 1 p.m...
OH MY GOD...... It was so hot... i feel like we were left on Sahara Desert. Goodness me... I just couldn't find a place to get rid of the burning sun. And what most terrible is that we had to wait for almost 2 hours for another pair of newlyweds which was my brother in law's younger brother and his wife to arrive first before we went to the kenduri... What the.... huh... Finally at 2.35 p.m we made our way to Kodiang, the grooms' house.. As soon as we arrived... They asked us to straight away sit under the canopy and had our lunch... And the best part was... we had the huge standing fan behind us... WoOOWwww... That was awesome... I mumble no more about the sweat and burning sun... and ate all the delicious dishes that were served quitely... hehehhe....

Then... It's the time to leave the newlyweds... We made our moves around 4.30 p.m... Then we headed to Bukit Kayu Hitam... Wahh.... Here again... I didn't believe that i had stepped into the border of Thailand.. there were so many thailand people around... everywhere in the Duty Free Zone of Bukit Kayu Hitam we could see them... Huh... Only few more metres before we actually stepped into Hatyai... hehe.... Wanna go there someday.... We drove out of Bukit Katu Hitam around 6 p.m... We had to go back... So sad... I belum puas jalan-jalan what... huhu~ But that night we actually rested at my sis house in Ipoh once again before going back to Pahang. We reached her house around 11 p.m and we drove back to Pahang at 2 a.m....

Finally it's home SWEET home again at 7.45 am the next day... Perghh.... What a tiring journey I had last weekend... And because of i am extremely weakened by the journey i only woke up by 2.30 p.m yesterday... my body was aching everywhere because of the long journey and the small space i had to squeeze in the van... huhu~

WEDDING..... i don't despise you... But i am really tired of having to involve with you...
so please... At least... Give me some rest these few years...

Like It.....

2009-05-26T23:22:00.003+08:00

We are the crowd
We're cuh-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastic, oh

Leather and jeans
your watch glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby I-

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your-
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi

I'll be your girl backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah cause you know I'm starting between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes

Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and return
My lashes are dry- But the teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is Cherry Pie
'Cause you know that baby I
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

Real good, We're dancing in the studio
Stop-stopped, That shit on the radio
Don't stop, for anyone
We'll Blast it but we'll still have fun

I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa-Paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be your
Papa-Paparazzi

Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa-paparazzi

hahaha... Lady Gaga just know what my feeling is....

so fantastic oh.....

Deeyah and The Wedding...

2009-05-25T16:49:00.002+08:00

This week on May 30th, two of my sisters are going to have their big day --> WEDDING.
And me???? As usual, there are many things that i have to involve in....
From packing all the souvenirs, 'bunga telur' for the guests to clearing up the house.
This whole week is going to be very hectic and tiring. I can't wait for Jawe, Wadhi and Fana to come to my house this coming Thursday. Balkis isn't confirmed yet whether she could make it or not. And my other friends couldn't attend the wedding because of some other matters...
Hope that the wedding goes well and been blessed. Amen...

By the way.. there is one thing that i dislike to hear the most... When people asking "when is your turn?" Duh!... Me and Wedding??? So not in sync now... I don't know if in 5-6 years ahead i'll start thinking about getting married. But as for now, i don't think i am yet to find a boyfriend to get married. I have lost my heart to be married unless if he is my Zulkarnain... huhuhu~

What a trip to IPOH... hehehehe :p

2009-05-22T22:42:00.002+08:00

Wednesday, May 20th 2009...
6.15 p.m....

I started a long journey to Ipoh, Perak.. A place that I ALWAYS WANNA GO TO...
hahaha...
Maybe... Maybe for some people they don't know why i was so interested to go to IPOH... Here are some Q's that people always ask me..

1. What so great about Ipoh?
2. What makes you so crazy about going to Ipoh?
3. Why are so happy to go to the 'persidangan bawah pokok' place???

hehehe..... Wanna know my answer?

I WANNA SEE MY BELOVED ONE'S HOUSE.... (or at least have a glimpse at where the place he grew up....) Ok what...

And that night which was supposed to be so long....(6hrs journey) ended up so short... huhu~... yes.. I have to thank my best friend... He sacrifice his 'tidur' time to give me company.. although we only communicate through the phone(sms-ing) but that was more than enough... It makes me a little braver to stay in the darkness of the night.... I reached Ipoh at 1.00 in the morning...

hahaha.... And yes, Yesterday i had the chance that i'd been waiting for a lifetime... My sister brought me jalan2... She showed me where was Jelapang... hehehe... (got the clue?) and i was damn excited that i almost asked her to bring me to the housing area at Taman Meru... "GILA!!" that was what my sister said... But anyway... i am happy enough though... hiks...

I will remember that experienced this whole life... Maybe another day, i will come to that place again... Who knows... Hhihihiihi... (can't even smile correctly... )

Hidden Leaves by Virginia Andrews... I've made it...

2009-05-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

Hidden Leaves was the second novel that i read this holidae... BUt hell yeah... It took me a week to finish reading the book.. But know what???? I can't believe that i a actually cried reading it... haha... Hard to believe but that's very true... Learning about how hard it is to reveal the truth that we really desired to outburst it to everyone... And how difficult it gets when we have to be separated from our loved ones... Arghhh.... Life is just too cruel sometimes... But yes... This is what we call F.A.T.E & D.E.S.T.I.N.Y..... everyone has their own destiny and fate... One may be blessed to have all the desirable things but may not have the happiness that the other one has... Accept it with an open heart and we will all be happy... Simple.. Isn't it? But how many people can really do this? Before we look into anybody else, we better search deep down inside our heart... Are we apart of them too? I got my answer... And as many people know.. I AM NOT!!!

WHAT THE HECK!!!!!

2009-05-17T17:51:00.004+08:00

DAMN IT!!!!

that was the first thing that came across my mind few hours before.... I couldn't start my laptop... I couldn't log on into my profile... Whathaheck.... I was almost losing my mind... Thank God i got to speak to Wadhi's brother... at least i can get some sort of solution on my own... i refused to send it to any of the stores.. because i don't wanna seek more trouble.. The smallest error in the system could damage the whole system if i get the store assistant to repair my laptop... And thank ALLAH... all is solved by now... huh... i dare not to do any automatic updates anymore... huhu~... it take four years for me to own a laptop tau... it takes my breath away to think about damaging or causing any errors on it...

My beloved Pink Dell inspiron 1420

What a 'Breathtaking Night' it was..... It really was....

2009-05-17T17:42:00.002+08:00

Last night....
I could guarantee that no one would feel more anxious, curious, energetic and pious that i am....

It was the night that will make certain Malaysia's place and rank in World Badminton... And YES.... As many people had predicted... We lost... We lost to the so-called 'mighty' China... we were down to 0-3... What a lost.... But I would say that we had nearly broken the egg when my dearest Zulkarnain and his partner Boon Heong almost smashed out the Chinese pair.. But indeed... They were mentally too strong.. They were on their home ground... All the people there supported them well... They should be grateful that they were home.. If they were somewhere else, with the performance that were given by Kien Keat and Boon Heong, i believe that they will be tamed down easily... They were actually played the game of their life..

But i am not gonna comment on the whole night.. Who am i actually.. all i know is that.. they had done a great and non-negotiable commitment they had given upon their responsibilities last night... They are all winners... they may not be the winner on the podium... but they are the winner in all our hearts... I believe it... and i am sure thousands and millions other would feel the same too...

HAPPINESS from GUANGZHOU…

2009-05-16T17:07:00.002+08:00

Thursday,
May 14th 2009....

Today was the 5th day of the tournament. And Malaysia went down to the court as the stronger team against Denmark because they had lost the desirable services of Peter Gade Hoeg Christensen and Tine Rasmussen out of their migraine and injuries respectively. Thus, this was the greatest opportunity that Malaysia had been waiting for. To go to their very first Sudirman Cup’s semi-final. This was indeed a good success that had been achieved although the earlier hope suggest that they might have a slightly easier route to final if they had beaten the Korean… But yes, past is past, what we have is the future. Therefore the Malaysian camp should be mentally and physically prepared to go against the so called ‘giant’ China. They could have been the greatest of all time but I strongly believe that if ever our players play their best and the day they are playing is just their day –Malaysia will surely outplay the Chinese.. I will never stop praying hard for my beloved Koo Kien Keat and his partner, as well as all other Malaysian player. Because I realized that, when it is a team match, everybody has to play their part. Everybody needs to take responsibility upon whatever circumstances that will come their way.

I want to see my ‘him’ playing as he played today… he was considered as ‘almost faultless’ by the commentators today. I knew that this is kind of too much but obviously he deserved a huge round of applause for all the killing motion that he did today. He and Boon Heong was so dynamic and just play the way they were playing back to the times when they were World #1… I know that he might not know how hard I prayed for him, or how enthusiastic I become whenever I see him playing and how speechless I am when he was down to the opponent even for just one point…but I will keep on praying, supporting and believing in him. I will be the most loyal fan than never will stop supporting him, till the end of my life. I swear… By the name of ALLAH that he will forever be in my heart… I hope that he’ll know what I feel and I will be able to make him my real him… Amen….

TROUBLED ME… Urghhh… The telephone line….

2009-05-16T17:05:00.000+08:00

Today is May 14th....

Today I was so angry that I only had less than an hour to go on the net. I hate to say this but this was obviously caused by my father ‘omniscient’ act yesterday. He cut off the telephone connection wire just because of the bulldozer that came to clear up my front yard… What the…. Urghhh…. When he rejoined the wires those line seemed to be okay for awhile… and then, when I was so enjoyed on the line… Popped, it suddenly cut off.. Damn… I didn’t know how long I have to suffer from not being able to go online…I desperately need the internet… Hopefully I can get the line fixed by tomorrow… actually I am not the one that should take the responsibility. It is my father’s… he needs to get it fixed A.S.A.P…..

I hate to CRY because of happiness and sadness at the same time....

2009-05-11T23:48:00.005+08:00

I was so happy today that my Kien Keat and the Malaysian Team in general won their matches against Hong KOng... But at the same time I was terribly sad that my beloved cat died. He was knocked down by a car. I heard the sound of the car hit something. But i just don't wanna think of the worse. And by the time i was about to cheer that Kien Keat won, i heard my brother said that my cat died. DAMN!!!!! i wish that the driver that hit my cat will die in a terrible car crashed that his or her eyes will come out exactly the way my cat died. SHIT..... I hate to curse people like this but i just can't take it. This was too much. It is almost impossible that they can't see him. He was white, pure white. Although there is no light at all, i was still able to see him lah wei.... B*** betul... (Sorry that i cursed)

Now, i can only see him in the pictures. Theere is no more a cat that is so tame and enjoy to play with. He was so cute and never cause a trouble. He love to kiss people and play with us. He was so easy to call, he listened to what we said. He just too good a cat.. I am too sad because he died just a day after we believed that another cat, Lala died. She went out three days ago. And never comes back. She didn't eat anything that morning before she left. And she was sick too. Therefore, there is no hope that she is still alive. But the saddest part was, her body was yet to be found. I just do not have the idea where she died. Oh my Allah.. Give us the strength...

In loving memory of Putih and Lala....

UwaaaaaAAAA.... 2-3 LOST to Korea... DAMN!!!

2009-05-10T18:44:00.002+08:00

I am so excited that today my beloved country Badminton team will begin their challenge in the Sudirman Cup team event. They'll go against the hard-to-beat rival the South Korean..

Obviously, it is Kien Keat the one that i am eager to see him playing. I was sure that Rexy Mainaky won't choose him as the Mixed Doubles player because he wanted to see him fit enough for the Men Doubles. BUT..... He turned out as the first player to pair up with Wong Pei Tty as the national first pair to match against the Korean. The game ended up in rubber set. Arghhh.... as expected... They lost.. Ya la.. Up against the Olympic Champion.. What else to expect?? But i just did not stop hoping that things will be better for the next 4 games..

And yess... The second game, as usual Datuk Lee Chong Wei was the roaring tiger that set the hope high for the team. He beat the Korean in straight set to tie up 1 - 1..
And guess what the most unexpected sequence of the matches happened.. The men doubles was the third games to commence. What the.....
Kien Keat and Young Dae were on the court in less than 30 minutes before. And they have to compete again? Of course the stress will be on the Malaysian side. They lost during their last meeting. For sure they were hoping to regain their pride. But... They seemed so uneasy on court. Both Kien Keat and Boon Heong. I don't know why. I pray hard that he'll win somehow. In the second game when hope to see them bringing the game into the rubber and deciding game seemed to be alive, they tumbled down... Arghhhhh................. I wanna cry... Really i did...

But I know, there were still two more games remaining. Mew Choo and Ei Hui&Pei Tty can keep the dream alive. Yes.. I believed they could.. And Mew Choo although she seemed kind of tired and restless to have to be playing in three breath-taking games against the young Korean, but she nailed it. and This time it's 2-2....

And, the last game commenced, Ei Hui& Pei Tty should never have any problems to win actually. But i did know what exactly bothered their minds. They couldn't focus on the game. They were the favourite to win. But they screwed up everything. They wasted so many precious chances to steal the point from the Korean. And what more can i say? They lost to the Korean. And the final result was Malaysia 2 - 3 South Korean.

Not that i wanna blame anybody on the lost. The damage has been done. But we can't continue on grumbling upon the lost that we had. Yes we lost. But, what most important is that we find the most effective solution to cure the wound. We should be able to win the next two matches against Hong Kong and Denmark. But before that could happen, they are many things that have to be taken into consideration in choosing the best strategies to make sure that the hope to be in the Final remained alive and to make the nation proud.

MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!

ME???? Reading a novel... Hell yeah...

2009-05-08T16:40:00.003+08:00

Out of boredom one can do things that they never had thought of doing before...
So do i... Arghhh....

I am here on-lining like 24/7.. all day long... But at times (or i should say today) i am not in the mood to really do the things that i always do when i am on the web... uwaaaaa..... I guess i miss my chat-mate... He's away.. no one to play with me in the Superpoke Pet also... No one to chat with me in YM and yes.. Wadhi is away too... If not i can go crazee with her in MSN.. like Video calling each other for hundred times a day...

So.................
this is my dose for today or i should say this weekend???

a 2004 novel by Nancu Krulik... Actually this was a gift by my sister for me.. But as everybody knows, i DON'T like to read.. therefore this book was just left in dust inside my book rack... haha.. By the way.. having read the first two chapters of the book, i think I'm gonna love this book..

It's not that i don't really read before.. But just that the number of books that i read is so little if i am to compare myself with other people.. No wonder i am so stupid in my CBI class.. Sigh...

So... enough for now.. I am going to read the book. Hopefully i can write something good about this book tomorrow.. Choww...

After So Long....

2009-05-08T12:39:00.000+08:00

This has been like ages for me. I haven't write in this blog about my love ones. Now that i have begin to write again i will continue on writing about people that i love. Only that this first quarter of 2009 has really troubled me so much. It troubled my life, my heart, my academic and all part of me. My family has been forced to face something that nobody had ever wanted to face. This was so hard. So hard that it even made me cried whole day long.. Many nights i prayed that those stupid shameful thing never happened. But i accepted this as one of the challenges that Allah sent us. He knows that we can face this. Therefore he test us this way. I am thankful that now, the hard time had passed away. Hopefully we can really take it away.. Far far away that we never have to turned back at it.

My academic... This semester, i just do not know why i had become someone that is so stupid i would say. Maybe this is too much for me. But i just can't take it. Because i know my level. I feel some sort of injustice happened to me. How could i accept this silly injustice when i see someone that is very close to me, shared the same 'stupid' grade as me, suddenly get a better grade than mine. And me.. I still remained as the stupidest of all. What would world call this if not INJUSTICE? I don't remember being so arrogant nor dislike the lecturer if favoritism is one of the criteria to get a better grade in the paper. And this is the trigger that has been pulled to kill me. YES.. To kill me!! I know that i would be getting very low GPA this semester. But what else can i do? I just have to be very patient in accepting everything that have been written for me.

Oh my dear God... This has been so hard for me. Although i had been comforting myself that there is no need to worry much about it but i just can't... People would think that i am stupid. and I definitely can't accept that. Because i know who i am better than anybody else. I hope that You can do something about this, Allah. I can't do anything anymore. I leave everything onto Your hands.

And Him...
I haven't forgotten him. In fact, he always here in my heart. Only that to some extend i am kind of sulking against him. He seemed to hate me. He haven't replied to my messages and even my friend request in Facebook. Arghhh..... Why does he has to act that way. I hate to say this but i think he has become so arrogant with what he has. Buttttttt................... I am not gonna stop loving him. Loving and supporting him is the only thing that i can do now. Although i am not able to have him, but i can still pray for the best thing to happen to him. I want him to live a wonderful life. Yet, i still hope that i can be with him one day. Even if this remain as only unrequited love, i would still be happy..
But......(another long but coming...)
I should not have developed this kind of feeling to somebody else i think... but I DID... arghhh... I am mad with myself too. I could not believe that i had loved someone else' husband. ALLAH..... what is to become of me.

1st --> someone so hard to get
2nd --> someone else' husband

but i didn't ask for these. I just don't understand why i keep on involved in this kind of relationship. I hurt myself whenever i think about this. I hate to admit that i really cherished the moment that i am able to be close to this second him. Although he is just a bus drivers' supervisor but i don't know why i fall so much onto him. I even ready to be another wife of him if he wants me to. I know that this sound kind of stupid but i really do. I just like him. My friends said this is just a crush and i don't know. I guess this is not. This has been almost two weeks that i last saw him, but i haven't forgotten about him. If this is just a crush, i should be able to forget him by now. But actually i don't want to. I want to keep him in my heart. And i pray hard too.. I want him to know that i love him. YES... I did something crazy too.. I text him last Friday. I hope that he'll reply me but he didn't.. Oh yes... i should have known this too. I knew that he would not entertain anybody that he doesn't know, what more he's married. Arghhh... That's the most painful sentence to say. but indeed, that's for real.

I woke every morning to see something good... and I hope by the time i wake up tomorrow, i will be able to see someone that i really love.. know that this sound silly... but i know that Allah will listen to my prayers...

I am missing all my buddies...

2009-05-08T12:03:00.000+08:00

Today... it has been two weeks since i last been with all my girlfriends and boyfriends... Lemme name them

1. Nuwul
2. Jawe
3. Wadhi
4. Fana
5. Kak Ras
6. Balkis
7. Ewan
8. Chegu din

this is US....

These are the people that i think are the closest to me since i entered this course five years ago... and there are few more....

Jeepa, Pelut, Miwul, Yvonne, Jowie, Jasmit, Amanda... and many more lah... I guess i miss all my classmates... except --> The cockroach.. Yucks...

I think i have contacted almost all the names that i have mentioned above during these two weeks.. and yes.. some of them does reply to me and tell me how the are doing and living... and some of them don't.. huhu~

but it's okay to me.. as long as i know that they are still alive and will be meeting me back in two months time... and yes.. I think i'm gonna meet my girlfriends during my sisters' wedding by the end of this month. But i don't know whether Nuwul can make it or not. This is because she is teaching now... Hopefully she'll come..

I miss you guys....

I think I'm gonna go blogging more frequent...

2009-05-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

People have blogs, so do I.
People write blogs to express their feeling.... And me????

At first having a blog was just the course requirements that i had to fulfill for my drama class... And then i 'gatal2' wanna do a blog on my personal life (kunun2)... hiks... but then i left it unattended.. got some entries that i posted last year...
See... LAST YEAR.... almost five months gone without me posting anything here... Suddenly i think this is the moment for me to start writing... There is nothing wrong for me to share what i feel with the whole world. Although i know that this is gonna be so hard for other people to read it. Haha... But i don't mind. All i know is that i am happy that at least i got a medium to express my thoughts and feeling...

And i think from now on.. I wanna write about my life n everything that i think possible to be write here.. So that, although when i am gone or no longer able to write, people can still read my story and the story will be forever...

SUERTE DIAH....

She is right beside my cookie....

2008-12-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

A few hours ago…..

I saw something that really broke my heart…

I just wonder how could I see it…

Supposedly I shouldn’t look at it…

Ooh my god…. How long do I have to be like this…

I wonder why the other person got the chance that I desired the most?

Arghh…..

Penatnyer nak fikir pasal ni….

But if I pretend not t o think about it….

I myself will be looking like a crazy gurl…

Macam orang sakit….

Like there is really something BIG that bothers me…

Actually memang ada pun….

But I don’t know lar how to get rid of the pic in my eyes….

I can feel the pain although just by looking at it without a clearer view pun…

I feel like I’m so damn hurt now…

I hate myself for feeling so… Cause I got to believe that there is always some sort of blessing behind everything that happened…

But I just want to know what is the blessing????

how do i get to tell him this???

2008-11-30T23:20:00.000+08:00

how am i to tell him?
i dont know how long can i keep this to myself...
i want him to know...
but i just cant find the way..
im so upset that he lost again yesterday...
but i know.. he didnt feel so stress up because he lost to his team mates..
but at least i am relieved to hear that he will be entering the super series final in KK..
perhaps he could be the master there...
God gracious...
help me make it real..
i really want it to happen...

why? why? why?

2008-08-19T13:59:00.000+08:00

huhu...
life is hard...
but it is harder because he lost....
he is surely to be blame by everyone.
we could not be so mean, so cruel, so insensitive towards him...
he must be very sad right now.
but who will console him if we never stop blaming him for the loss he caused?
how could we simply point our finger to someone that has given their best?
what would we do if we are in his shoes?
what we would feel?
being very judgemental does not change anything.
things has happened...
let it be that way... all we can do is to accept it the way it is....
pray that things will be better...
remember that if the god does not grant what we wish for, things we expect would not be achieved to...
god gracious, give me the strength to face all this....

holidae.him.me

2008-05-04T15:10:00.000+08:00

hmm.... it's holidae again.....
it's the distance again.....
it's the time to be free again.....

huh...
i just lucky to be able to write in this blog.....
thanks to the age that god has given me to breathe another day.....
to breathe and to love again..... Alhamdulillah.....

holidae keeps me away from the one that i love the most.....
if it wasn't holidae, me and him were only separated few miles away.....
but now..... distance has come between us.....
so sad..... but i know that although we are far away from each other.....
i am forever close to him as the wind..... and so does him.....

hope that all the things that i dreamt about him gonna be true.....
i wish that i will come true..... although to some people it may never come true.....
but i believe that true love will always be the truth.....

next week.....
it's his big time..... he is going to shine..... although some dark clouds are going to stop him from shining.... i believe that he will be alright..... all he need is blessing, supports, love, and ME.....